A New Kind of New Year’s Resolution

By: Dr. Denise Renye

As we close out this year, collectively people are feeling pressured about, thinking about, and making their New Year’s resolutions. Frequently those resolutions are along the lines of “lose weight, save more money, reduce stress,” etc. There’s nothing wrong with desiring to live a happier, healthier life but the way one gets there (the journey) may be more important than the outcome (the destination).

There’s a tendency to use judgment as a way to pressure, or even bully oneself into changing behaviors and habits. What possibilities in life may unfold if we speak kindly to ourselves? If we lovingly set intentions for the new year with an open heart, less perfectionism, and more compassion? The old way is to follow the socio-cultural prescription of creating change by judging or putting oneself down/belittling. We see it in ads and commercials. There seems to be a collective exertion of self-will for a few weeks at the start of the year, maybe even a month, and then people burn out and revert back to their old ways of being. Then they put themselves down again because they “failed.” The pressure to change accomplished through belittling or self-punishment will always result in this self-flagellating cycle. That method may work in the short term, but never in the long run to yield feelings of success with ease and joy.

Change can be something loving and gentle instead. You can honor yourself from the inside rather than using external pressure in order to force yourself to adhere to sociocultural norms of being thinner, not drinking, or saving more money. Igniting change in your life using this principle is one of balance along the spectrum of the divine. Traditionally, we hear about the divine feminine and the divine masculine. The divine feminine expresses and holds the elements of compassion, nurturing, nourishment. The divine masculine expresses and holds elements of loving security, consistency, reliability.

A way to turn around a New Year’s resolution and make it more of an intention instead would be for instance mending your relationship with your body as opposed to losing weight. Notice how doing so allows more room for whatever wants to emerge – maybe your body is already at its ideal shape and size. Maybe what’s happening is you’re trying to force your body to look a certain way that it cannot. Or maybe you would feel healthier if you lost weight. But is the desire to do so coming from you? Or is it coming from outside of you? Making a change from a space of self-acceptance is a different one entirely than the typical “belittle yourself to make a change” sort of energy that frequently accompanies New Year’s resolutions.

Let’s look at other common resolutions. Instead of setting a goal to save more money, consider practicing more intentional spending. It can be hard to save money if you’re not sure where your money is going. Or if you’re spending money on things that are not aligned with your values you can easily spend more than you intend. Bringing a degree of mindfulness to spending can make a world of difference in terms of how much you’re able to save.

A big resolution – reducing stress – is tough because first of all, the world is stressful! Perhaps you have good reason to be stressed. That said, stress can often result from “too much.” Too many commitments, too much putting people first. A way to destress then is to not only incorporate relaxation methods like yoga, meditation, and breathing, but also by saying “no” more often to allow for rest. Setting boundaries and knowing what your limits are will help manage stress. A new year’s intention could be: begin learning and exploring what healthy boundaries are and having daily practices that allow you to begin getting in touch with your internal experience.

Setting intentions is something done typically in preparation for journeys (psychedelic, shamanic, ceremonial, ritual). And it’s something that allows us to slow down, reflect and consciously move forward. It is a way that we can connect within to the deeper parts of ourselves. It is a way to connect with the stillness, something that may be challenging in a busy world.

When it comes to change, I draw inspiration from the moon – it continuously waxes and wanes. Sometimes it’s full, sometimes it’s not. We human beings are the same way. Some days we’re full of  energy. Some days we meander, having more inward focus. Both are necessary. Each phase supports the other.

As we enter this New Year I keep wondering, how different would life be if we created more space to allow for organic change and didn’t need to manipulate ourselves to change? If instead we practiced gentleness, kindness, and care? If instead of using force we used encouragement to change?

 This year has been a tough one for numerous reasons. Coming into the new year I’d love to see more honoring of ourselves, both of where we are and where we’d like to be. I’d like to see a focus on the whole person, an integration of all of the self.

Do you have any New Year’s intentions? I’d love to hear them. And as always, if you’d like support around integrating your whole being, get in touch. I’m here.

 For ideas and ways to stay connected to and learn more about the unconscious through the body, feel free to stay connected.