This is not always an easy path. The ordinary provides safety. The extraordinary can stir vulnerability. To choose authenticity means risking being misunderstood, standing apart, or confronting long-buried truths. But it also offers vitality, passion, and meaning.

As Jungians have long said, myths are not “out there,” they live in us. And when we work with them psychologically, we discover not only the story of human origins, but the story of our own becoming.

These biological patterns are not simply personal; they are embodied reflections of social realities. Understanding CAR through a social justice lens reminds us that stress is shaped by the environment, access to resources, and societal pressures.

Recurring emotions when dating someone with disorganized attachment may be fear, frustration, and confusion. Fear that they’ll pull away. Frustration that no matter what you do, you can’t get them to stay present. And confusion because sometimes the person with disorganized attachment is present and available.

Outside of therapy, what helps heal disorganized attachment is cultivating relationships with people who are consistent, patient, and trustworthy. This includes slowly tolerating intimacy and connection without panic or withdrawal. Specifically, it means gradually learning to stay present even when feelings of fear, vulnerability, or anxiety arise. Over time, the person can experience closeness without automatically pulling away or acting out, allowing the nervous system to register safety. This gradual process helps build confidence in relationships and strengthens the capacity for secure, stable bonds.

The key difference is that the fire comes from choice and creativity, not chaos. When passion comes from choice rather than chaos, it is sustainable and freeing. You can explore fantasies, play, and intimacy without fear or anxiety dominating the experience. Desire becomes a shared adventure instead of a reaction to unpredictability. Over time, this creates sexual experiences that are not only thrilling in the moment but also deeply satisfying and nourishing for both partners.

Setbacks can also provide insight. Feeling triggered or noticing old patterns does not erase progress. Often these moments highlight areas that require further attention, reflection, or compassion. By approaching them with curiosity rather than judgment, you create space for deeper healing and a more integrated relationship with yourself, your sexuality, and your capacity for pleasure.

Arguments may flare up around perceived disconnection or distance, even if no intentional harm was intended. For instance, “I just needed a night to myself. It wasn’t because I’m losing interest or plan to break up with you.”  The partner may sometimes feel “smothered” or lose a sense of space because the anxiously attached person is requesting closeness or frequent check-ins that don’t match the partner’s cadence.

Belonging is a fundamental human need. When someone feels unseen or misunderstood, the search for a place or a family where they truly belong can become urgent and complex. Therapy offers a space to explore these feelings, to hold the tensions between who you are and where you are, and to build a sense of belonging from the inside out. Through compassionate, affirming care, therapy can help individuals create a story of self that feels authentic and whole.

The reason therapists like me talk about attachment is that these early childhood relationships prime people’s future relationships. The patterns don’t disappear simply because a person got older. That means in adulthood, the person is still anxious. In their romantic relationships, they have a frequent need for reassurance. They may want to call or text often and have trouble tolerating physical and emotional distance.

Loneliness in a relationship doesn’t always mean love is gone—it’s often a sign that the relationship needs emotional tending and intentional care. Just as physical health requires nourishment and attention, emotional connection needs ongoing investment to thrive. With awareness, openness, and a commitment to change, couples can move from disconnection to closeness again. Your emotional needs are valid, and tending to them can transform your relationship into a place of mutual care, intimacy, and emotional safety.

By cultivating a conscious, embodied relationship with our own sexuality, we:

• Hold space for shame to surface without flinching

• Support clients in reclaiming pleasure as part of their healing

• Navigate conversations about intimacy, desire, and boundaries with clarity and compassion

Over the next few weeks, I’ll be sharing a series of blog posts that look at both sides of the attachment equation, meaning what it’s like to have a particular attachment style and what it’s like to be in a relationship with someone who leans in that direction. People often shift between styles at different times in their lives, and even within different self-states or relationships. The goal is to offer a more nuanced view of attachment as something fluid and relational, while also creating room for compassion, curiosity, and growth.

Healthy relationships thrive when both partners can hold the complexity of I didn’t mean to and it still hurt. True intimacy grows in the space where we take responsibility for our impact, even when our intentions were loving. Over time, this practice builds trust, safety, and a deeper sense of being known.

As a psychologist and sex therapist, I often work with people who are trying to find the language to describe the fullness of their experience around gender, sexuality, trauma, love, and loss. Andrea did what so many of us try to do. They gave voice to the unspeakable. Again and again. They helped people feel seen in the places they thought were too messy, too painful, or too complicated to bring into the light.

Love does not mean merging. Love means standing side by side as two whole people, each capable of moving through our inner worlds. When you stop trying to rescue your partner from their emotions, something powerful happens. You both build trust. You both become stronger. And you both get to feel deeply seen and respected.

This is what it means to love without losing yourself.

Long term, the impacts of sibling abuse can include chronic low self-esteem, difficulty trusting others, struggles with intimacy, and unresolved trauma that may surface in adult relationships.

Before doing any sort of partnered activity, however, I recommend coming back into your own body. You can start immediately with an embodiment meditation. There are many kinds of embodiment meditation but often they begin with a body scan. You bring awareness to different parts of your body – your toes, your knees, your hips, your stomach – and notice sensations without judgment. You might also notice your breath – where are you breathing? Your chest? Your deep belly? Are the breaths slow and easy or fast and difficult? This is not to bring criticism or judgment, rather observation and awareness.

If you’ve been dealing with persistent pelvic symptoms that don’t resolve with conventional treatment, you are not alone. The body remembers what the mind does not always know how to speak. And healing does not always begin with words. Sometimes, it begins with breath, with ground, and with the slow return to a sense of safety in your own skin.

When we work with sexuality as an expression of soul, the goal is not to become “normal” or even “better” in the conventional sense. The goal is to become more yourself. More whole. More embodied. More present to the truth of your own experience.