Choosing to Stay Addicted

By: Dr. Denise Renye

Addiction comes up frequently in my consulting room and my blog articles because it’s a part of a lot of people’s lives. And addiction has spiked in the last 1.5 years as we’ve endured this pandemic. As I noted in the early part of 2020, people were coping with the stress of Covid-19 by turning to alcohol, food, drugs, sex, video games, etc. I spoke about how a habit can turn into something more dangerous fairly easily. A glass of wine every night suddenly becomes something a person must have rather than something they’re choosing to have. Fundamentally, an addiction means no longer having a choice. The substance or behavior feels too powerful, too all-consuming.

Bleak right? There’s a reason why so many movies cover addiction – it’s dramatic. But often we only see those extreme cases portrayed in media precisely because of the drama. However, there are some people who aren’t addicts in the extreme. They aren’t fired for showing up to work stoned or arrested for driving while drunk. There are some addicts who are highly functional and frankly don’t want to live without their substance or behavior of choice.

There are people who are somewhat content being addicted to marijuana, alcohol, chocolate, etc. They say it’s their medicine and their bodies operate better with it. That may be true – after all, the body gets used to substances (provided they’re made to be consumed). That’s why withdrawal can be so hard and highly unappealing. The withdrawal happens at not only a mental level, but a physical one and can include fatigue, headaches, shakiness, clammy skin, gagging, nausea, vomiting, and more. The body will probably feel worse initially as the substance works its way out of the person’s system. Some people might ask themselves, “Why would I put myself through that?”

They don’t have to. The predominant narrative in our society is that a person “should” do whatever they can to stop their addiction but there are no rules a person has to address it. They can simply choose to remain addicted. That’s what I’m most interested in, choice.

I want my patients (and everyone really) to have more choice in their lives. As I mentioned above, often what happens with an addiction is a lack thereof. The addiction comes first and can sabotage relationships (with self and others), work, and more. Some important questions people may want to ask are the following:

·      What kind of life am I living? Is it in alignment with the life I desire living?

·      Do I feel content and fulfilled?

·      Do I desire a different life than the one I am living currently?

·      What, if any, are the consequences of continuing to live an addicted lifestyle?

·      When I zoom back and examine my life, what am I seeing? And do I like it?

I’m interested in helping people have satisfying relationships and processing their feelings in a healthy way while also giving them a choice to pick up the substance/behavior or not. I want people to feel empowered and free.    

There will always be a  new bottle to uncork or a shot to drink. There will always be a joint or cigarette to smoke (or vape). There will always be someone to seek out for dramatic interaction or compulsive sex.  There will always be something available nearby or easily attainable to eat or not eat. There will always be the ability to compulsively (over)exercise.

The fact of the matter is that if it is in alignment for you right now to continue with any of those behaviors, it is your prerogative to do so or not. In the words of Bobby Brown, someone who was no stranger to addiction and abuse:

“Everybody's talking all this stuff about me
Why don't they just let me live?
I don't need commission, make my own decisions
That's my prerogative.”

It is your right to do what you want to do. You get to decide what works for you. And you get to make boundaries around any behaviors you wish to carry out. Just as others get to make boundaries around what works for them and what does not. When there’s a lack of separation, when your life becomes about someone else or vice versa, that’s codependency. (Be sure to read both the article on boundaries and codependency for support on those topics.) For you, that may mean choosing to stay addicted, and that’s OK.

Addiction Recovery Meditation can be found here.

For more on addiction and other topics, sign up for my newsletter.