Farewell, Furry Friend: Coping with the Loss of a Pet

By: Dr. Denise Renye

We welcome them into our homes and our hearts with joy. We watch them grow. They offer us companionship and (mostly) unconditional love. And just like with any life, the life of our pets come to a close. And just as with the death of a human, losing a pet is gut-wrenching. They are our loyal companions and home even more than we are! The relationships we have with our furry friends cannot quite be captured in words because the love we feel for them is deep, unconditional, and (mostly) nonverbal. That energetic connection is profound and when they pass, it’s like a human family member has died.

For some people, they cry more over losing a pet than they do a person because the relationship with pets is deeply profound and uncomplicated. With people, there can be judgment, shame, etc. They may make comments on your life choices or disagree with your politics. With pets, this is absent. They love and accept you just as you are, no matter what.

With pets, the relationship usually remains fairly consistent; for the most part, you know what to expect with your pets. The relationship is a secure and steady one which makes the loss that much more painful. You walk her multiple times a day. You feed him with regularity. They snuggle with you on the couch. The relationship is real and can be very deep.

If you’ve lost your pet to death, I encourage you to take time to grieve because the loss is not a trivial one. Your life has been disrupted. Fido is no longer bounding to the door whenever you come home. Fluffy isn’t curling up in your lap as you read a book. What you used to count on fairly consistently is now painstakingly and so obviously absent. I encourage you to take the time to acknowledge that. As you honor the loss of your beloved pet, also be gentle with yourself and practice extra self-care.

Some things I recommend to patients during their time of grief are:

·      Canceling their appointments

·      Considering taking time off work if possible (I realize this is a privilege not available to everyone)

·      Making an altar honoring the times you had together; adding pictures, flowers, and your pet’s ashes if you choose to get them

·      Consider ways you may honor your pet that feel right to you

Also keep in mind grief isn’t linear. You may do a lot of crying immediately after your pet’s death and then cry some more two months later when you find their favorite chew toy. There’s no timeline for grief and please don’t hold an expectation for when you “should” be “over it.” You may always feel a twinge of grief when you think about the loss of your pet. That’s OK and it makes sense. Allowing yourself to mourn in whatever way is in alignment for you without judgment or expectation. That’s also true when it comes to the decision to invite a new pet into your household. For some people, they’re ready for a new furry companion fairly quickly after the loss of a previous one. For others, they want to wait a while or they decide they don’t want to be a pet parent ever again. Whatever you decide is fine.

However, I encourage you not to welcome in a new furry friend as a way to plaster over your grief. Oftentimes, grief can feel very overwhelming. The loss one experiences is real and profound. It can be deeply meaningful and a time to really learn more about relationship. Really take the time to sit with the loss you experienced because the grief you feel is like a receipt that shows how much you loved and cared about your pet. Honor their memory by grieving and know you’re not alone. Many, many people understand how tough it is to lose an animal and would be honored to witness your grief. Therapists who specialize in grief and loss are an excellent source of support during times such as these. And if you need support, reach out.

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