The Body as a Boundary

By: Dr. Denise Renye

So much of the talk surrounding boundaries centers on relationships. There are countless articles about how to set boundaries with people, how to know if someone has crossed a boundary, etc., but not much space is devoted to an ever-present boundary: the body.

The body is its own boundary. The body contains us, holds us, keeps our organs intact. Our skin especially separates us from the rest of the world. It designates where we end and others begin. The skin is what differentiates the inside from the outside. It is a basic concept that not many people consider. What goes in one’s body must pass this boundary. The skin is a great teacher in what boundaries are.

When we understand boundaries, and especially our physical skin as a boundary, the chances of self-care exponentially increase. Paying attention to a rash that appears, when your body is hungry or full, or when it’s tired, all helps you listen to your body. If you don’t notice those cues, you’ll likely keep wearing body lotion that reacts poorly with your skin, waiting too long to eat lunch or overeat beyond the fullness signal, or pushing yourself to go for a run when you’d be better off taking a nap.

Those can all be considered small acts of self-abandonment, acts that cross your body’s boundaries. And if there are boundary crossings that occur from you to you, it can be that much harder to set a boundary with others. If you’re not honoring a boundary for yourself, how can you communicate them to others?

There are many reasons you may not recognize your body as the ultimate boundary. Perhaps you have trauma in your background, or were conditioned to dissociate as a way to escape from the body wisdom, or were conditioned to relate codependently, to name a few possibilities. There’s a logical reason your psyche leads you to engage in the behaviors that you do. Some of those behaviors may even be addictions. And if you think about it, the body as a boundary is involved in that process too.  

Alcohol or other drugs (including food) must cross the boundary of your body. As mentioned, it’s concrete what’s a part of your body and what’s not. We get to choose what goes inside our body and what doesn’t. Not only with substances, but also with sex partners, sex toys, and anything else that crosses the body-mind boundary line. 

You have a choice. Always. It may not feel like you have a choice when you’re overwhelmed or anxious and reach for a bottle of wine to soothe yourself, but you do. You don’t have to use anything external. You’re choosing to. From that place, you’re making an empowered decision. Some people may choose to stay addicted while others may choose to seek other ways of living. Either option is fine and yours to make, but first, recognize there is a boundary. 

Having awareness around the body as a boundary is an important part of psyche-logical healing. In order to heal physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, the body must be taken into consideration. The body is a key part of the healing equation and thus its function as a boundary must also be recognized.

If you’re having trouble deciphering the messages your body is sending you, that’s common. It can take work to quiet the mind enough to listen to your body. But it can be done! A nice, easy way to start is with the breath. Click here for a simple breathwork practice. And if you’re interested in these or other topics, sign up for my newsletter.