How to Cultivate a Deeper Relationship with the Body
By: Dr. Denise Renye
We get one body in this lifetime and while it is a vehicle for our comings and goings, it’s easy to overlook what’s happening with it beyond the surface. You may notice your body every day – a new mole on your back or whether your favorite pants are a little too tight for your perceived comfort – but are you attentive to your body? Are you listening to your body? Do you hear what it’s trying to express? Do you have a relationship wherein it can be honest with you and you can receive its messages?
When I used to teach yoga at a studio, I would witness and guide students through experiences of deep emotional release on the mat. I would sometimes perceive an emotional rumbling from within their depths. At times, they would allow a tear to roll down their cheek as they surrendered in balasana or child’s pose. Other times they would be on the verge of surrender and I would notice a slight shift in their body as a way to resist the surrendering of the body. With a few words of gentle encouragement that focused on embodiment or a touch to the back of the heart center (with consent, of course), there would be a certain type of permission that seemed to be a mix of me and one that arose from within them to feel and express emotions.
I witnessed pure rage that turned into sadness and grief expression during one class. Luckily the community was one with high levels of respect and allowance for full body, mind, and spirit. Why do those experiences happen? Because the body stores memories and emotions. It’s a vessel that can be considered something akin to a time capsule. As we’ve learned, trauma is not stored in the brain as a memory (like was previously thought), but instead is stored in the body at a cellular level. That means trauma can affect how a person carries themselves, how they hold their shoulders, how they sleep, their digestion process, and more.
However, it’s not only trauma that’s stored in the body. That’s why a certain asana may bring back a memory or series of memories. The memory may not begin in the mind. It may begin on the somatic level. The soma, or body, has a vast depth of knowledge that we may forget about. Babies inherently know how to breathe deeply. It is only through living that we unlearn basic breathing techniques that begin to trap emotions, feelings, and unwanted memories in the tissues and flesh.
Today’s world glorifies being busy and “pushing through” whatever is challenging, especially physically. Think about the many messages surrounding this: “No pain, no gain,” “Mind over matter,” “I’ll sleep when I’m dead,” etc. The predominant culture teaches us to overlook the signals that come through the body, especially if there’s something to “achieve” by ignoring the body. “There’s so much to do! Look at my to-do list!” Yes, there is so much to be done, and yes, you get to choose how to approach your life, and it could be an act of self-love to look within and inquire if your approach is working for you.
If you’re like many, you feel tired, overwhelmed, and burnt out. You may need multiple cups of coffee a day to function. Maybe you’re deeply unsatisfied even though you feel like you “shouldn’t” be because you have the external trappings of success. Or maybe you’re so busy and distracted, that you feel like you’re missing out on your own life. I understand. That’s all too common these days. But there’s another way of being, a slower way that acknowledges and appreciates the wisdom of the soma.
The Importance of Slowing Down
If you want to feel more spacious in your life, if you’re craving a slower pace, slowing down your breath is a great place to start. Try it right now. Inhale for a count of four, hold for a count of four, exhale for a count of four, and hold for a count of four. This is called a box breath. Repeat this sort of breathing as much as you like. There’s a journal prompt below to help you engage in this breathing experience.
When you fully intake oxygen, you’re nurturing your body and giving every cell exactly what it needs. When we’re stressed or anxious, our breathing becomes shallower and up in the chest. If you want to feel peaceful, present, and graced with slowness, try changing how you breathe.
Receive Bodywork
Another way to possibly deepen your relationship with your body is by tending to it with bodywork. Bodywork may be a massage (there are many different types), chiropractic care, acupuncture, acupressure, myofascial release, craniosacral, and more.
Some bodywork can be done fairly easily yourself with a little bit of education. For instance, acupressure and self-massage techniques will support you in getting in touch with your body. This can also be practiced with a partner. Be sure to have overt communication with your partner around consent and whether or not you are available to have the massage turn into anything sexual. However, there’s also something to be said for seeing a licensed professional. Sometimes it is covered by insurance and there are also affordable options through massage schools. If you’re able, I highly recommend regular bodywork, whatever that looks like for you.
The Power of Yoga
As mentioned earlier, I teach yoga, but also, I’m a yoga therapist certified through the International Association of Yoga Therapists (IAYT). If you’re able to work with a yoga therapist, it can help you holistically assess your specific symptoms or conditions, as well as your emotional state of being. Engaging in yoga in such a tailored way can help you get back in touch with the gestalt of yourself, which is the focus of my work. I aim to address the whole person and help with the integration thereof.
However, I realize working with a yoga therapist may not be available to everyone so in that case, I suggest gently easing into an at-home restorative practice. When you are still and quiet, there is space for thoughts, feelings, and memories to bubble up in the psyche. Practicing yoga also allows for bodily memories to surface and emotions to release.
Two poses I suggest are child’s pose (salamba balasana) and a supported heart opener pose.
Child’s pose is helpful for inner child work, reparenting the self, and intervening with symptoms of panic, anxiety, or PTSD. To practice child’s pose:
1.) Kneel on the floor with your toes together and your knees hip-width apart. Rest your palms on top of your thighs. Inhale.
2.) On the exhale, lower your torso between your knees. Either place your arms alongside your knees while your forehead is pressed against the ground, or extend your arms in front of you with your palms facing down for a back stretch. Relax your shoulders and allow your whole body to sink into the ground.
An alternative to the traditional child’s pose is to use two bolsters placed end to end. If there are complications with your knees, extend your knees behind you or fold/roll a blanket to be placed in between the calf and the hamstring.
Set a timer for 3 minutes placing one cheek on the bolster. When the timer rings, slowly and gently turn your head the other way, keeping it there for another 3 minutes.
This pose is one of surrender. In this pose, you surrender any judgment and expectation of the self and others. Through balasana you can also surrender any feelings that may come up in regards to your own childhood. It is in the past and while there is nothing you can do to change anything that has happened in the past, you can choose to surrender in the now, which could make space for feelings to arise and move through to be expressed.
For the supported heart opener pose, place a prop so that it will support your back from the bottom of your shoulder blades up when you lie down on it. This could be a blanket, towel, or yoga block, whatever works best for you. Your legs can be in any position: outstretched, knees bent, or soles touching and knees splayed to the side. If you’d like, you can use another prop to support your head. Stay in this position for several minutes and allow your back to melt over the prop and your heart to open.
A relationship with your body is similar to other relationships – it’s fluid, ever-changing, and requires attention and care. But if you deepen your relationship with the body, you just might find numerous gifts waiting for you.
Journal Prompts
1) Engage in the box breath described above. How do you feel now? What is the relationship with your mind after having done the breathing? Where do you notice the breath entering the body? How would you describe your sense of spaciousness inside compared with before this brief experience of breathwork?
2) If you receive bodywork, notice how your body feels before, during, and after. Making a mental note can be helpful and writing a journal entry can be even more so.
3) When you were in child’s pose, did anything come up sensation-wise with your body? What did you notice? Were there any connections between that or those sensations and any mental activity or thoughts? Take a moment to write them down after your practice.
4) Are you aware of your heart center in this very moment? With your breath and your mind’s eye, bring your attention to the heart center. Notice any body sensations, thoughts, and emotions. If you are called to, find your way to a supported heart opener pose. Allow yourself to be in the pose for 5 minutes. Write a journal entry afterward about your relationship to your heart center.
Recommended reading
My blogpost: “Ways to Access the Unconscious Through the Body.”
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