What is Spiritual Bypassing?

By: Dr. Denise Renye

We human beings are complex and often, unconsciously and creatively, employ various strategies to avoid pain: primarily addictions and bypassing. Spiritual bypassing is sidestepping or avoiding facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks but talking the talk of an individual who is more “spiritually evolved.” Individuals specifically use spiritual ideas and practices to avoid whatever is causing distress emotionally or mentally. It was coined by transpersonal psychotherapist John Welwood during the early 80s in his book Toward a Psychology of Awakening. John was a teacher of mine and I appreciate his work greatly.

He noticed as a therapist but also a Buddhist teacher that people (himself included) used spirituality as a shield or defense mechanism. In other words, they didn’t want to work through hard emotions or unresolved issues and instead dismissed them with spiritual explanations. For instance, “It was meant to be,” “It was a blessing in disguise,” “You attracted that,” etc. Doing so doesn’t resolve the issue, it hides it and allows the person to feel a false sense of superiority.

This falsified sense may be necessary for the person to continue operating in their lives before they are at a point wherein they can do the inner work necessary to raise their consciousness and evolve psychologically in a way that would benefit them and, even moreso, benefit those around them. Fundamentally, spiritual bypassing doesn’t embrace the full range of human emotion as it encourages joy rather than sorrow, harmony rather than strife, and more. We see this with “toxic positivity,” the sort that says, “Good vibes only!”

When someone is spiritually bypassing, they may not process their feelings about traumatic or wounding events because it’s far easier to say, “Everything is fine!” than, “I’m struggling.” However, the issue doesn’t magically disappear and in fact, could get worse if it’s ignored. For instance, by only focusing on the positive, someone can miss the signs of an abusive relationship or other red flags in their personal or professional life.

Spiritual bypassing has repercussions not only for the individual but also for interactions involving others. Telling someone, “You have to think positively” or, “At least you made it through,” when they share something upsetting sometimes has merit but other times it can be a form of gaslighting, or in other words denying the person’s reality. Similarly, telling someone, “I don’t see color,” is also spiritual bypassing and gaslighting. Racism is undeniable no matter how much people try to deny it.

Along those lines, spiritual bypassing is a way of avoiding responsibility. It says, “I didn’t do anything wrong because I’m all love and light. If you feel bad, that’s on you.” That is patently false. We are all responsive to each other and someone can be a “good person” and still do hurtful things. Being an emotionally mature adult means understanding that, taking responsibility, and apologizing.

Spiritual bypassing is not only thoughts and conversations, it’s also actions. It can be meditating, praying, or visiting a temple in order to solve conflict or deal with discomfort. Spiritual practices can be very helpful to provide peace of mind but they aren’t necessarily solutions to problems. In other words, meditate, but also go to therapy.

Having a spiritual practice doesn’t give a person a free pass from doing the hard inner work of healing. It’s an adjunct but not the be-all, end-all. It can offer hope, peace of mind, support, and meaning in a person’s life but is not a mechanism for healing deep psychological wounds and trauma. For that, confronting so-called negative emotions is a must. Discomfort is a natural part of life and addressing it at all levels is key. Check things out medically and physically. Do the inner work psychologically so you have a solid foundation to be a solid human in this world. And, by all means, address it spiritually, so you can have a sustainable course on which to evolve.

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Journal Prompts

·      Is there an area in my life where I may be using spirituality to avoid psychological pain?

·      How have I witnessed others using spiritual bypassing in their lives? What was that like for me or others around them?

·      What is my current spiritual practice? Is that working for me? How might I want to change or alter my spiritual practice?

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