Shedding Light on Sapiosexuality

By: Dr. Denise Renye

 Sapiosexuality is a term that has gained recognition in recent years within the realm of human sexuality and orientation. It’s a word that was first used in 2004, according to Merriam-Webster. It describes individuals who are primarily attracted to intelligence and intellect rather than physical attributes or gender. Somewhere between 1% and 8% of people younger than 40 may be sapiosexuals, a study in the journal Intelligence found.  

A man wearing a beanie hat, focused on a book or painting, representing the concept of sapiosexuality and the attraction to intellect.

You might be saying, “Well, sure, intelligence is usually attractive,” but the difference is a sapiosexual does not feel sexual attraction without it. This is similar to demisexuality whereby a person is only sexually attracted to someone if they feel an emotional bond.

For sapiosexuals, intellectual stimulation must be present before they feel sexually attracted. As with demisexuality, sapiosexuals are not limited by gender expressions and therefore can be sapiosexual and gay, or sapiosexual and straight, or bi, or pan, or … Sexual attraction hinges on the intellect and not gender.  

Sapiosexuality is not officially recognized as a distinct sexual orientation in the same way as heterosexuality, homosexuality, or bisexuality but it represents a unique facet of human attraction that focuses on the cerebral and emotional connection between individuals.

For sapiosexual individuals, stimulating conversations, intellectual pursuits, and a deep emotional connection are essential components of their romantic and sexual attraction. They find themselves drawn to individuals who not only possess intelligence but also share their passion for knowledge and curiosity about the world. In essence, the mind becomes the primary driver of desire and intimacy.

Sexual attraction centers on the mind for a sapiosexual so looks are less important. They won’t say “Hey, beautiful,” or “You have a great smile,” when they first message you on a dating app. Instead, they’re more likely to compliment your wit or ask about what book you’re reading.

It's important to note that sapiosexuality, like other sexual orientations, exists on a spectrum. Some individuals may prioritize intelligence to a greater extent in their relationships while others may view it as just one of many factors contributing to their attraction. Additionally, the concept of sapiosexuality has sparked discussions about the interplay between intellectual compatibility and other forms of attraction, such as physical or emotional connection, highlighting the complexity of human desire and relationships.

Signs you (or someone you know) may be a sapiosexual are the following:

·      You prefer complex, stimulating conversations. People who can express themselves clearly and effectively are your catnip.

·      You’re more interested in what a person’s beliefs are, what they value, their interests, etc. than what they look like naked.

·      An ideal date is someplace quiet where you can chat for hours without distractions or interruptions.

All of this is to say intelligence is the primary turn-on for a sapiosexual, not the job, status, or prestige that sometimes accompanies intelligence. Sapiosexuals get into the mood for sex by having political debates or discussing economics. They don’t want to be physically intimate with someone until they’ve had a long cerebral chat. 

Sapiosexuality is just one of many sexual orientations in the sexual continuum. Every person is wired a little bit differently and sapiosexuals add to the beautiful, diverse garden of human beings. Ultimately, sapiosexuality serves as a reminder that the diversity of human attraction and orientation is both fascinating and endlessly complex.

Journal prompts

1.     What role does intellectual stimulation play in your romantic and sexual attractions? Reflect on past relationships or crushes and consider whether a strong connection based on shared interests and intelligence was a recurring theme.

2.     Are you more likely to be drawn to individuals who challenge your intellect and engage in meaningful conversations? Think about the people in your life who have left a lasting impression and whether their intelligence played a significant role in your attraction to them.

3.     Do you find that emotional and intellectual compatibility are equally important to you in a romantic relationship, or does one tend to take precedence over the other? Consider how you prioritize these aspects when seeking a potential partner or evaluating the success of past relationships.

Learn more about sexuality by signing up for my newsletter.

 To set up an appointment to work together for sex therapy, depth psychotherapy, or holistic coaching now, click here. 

Reference

Gignac, Gilles E.; Darbyshire, Joey; Ooi, Michelle. “Some people are attracted sexually to intelligence: A psychometric evaluation of sapiosexuality.” Intelligence. January-February 2018. Vol. 66, pp. 98-111. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0160289617301551

Marin County Sexologist