Gender Fluidity
By Dr. Denise Renye
Genderqueer (GQ), gender fluidity, non-binary...these are all phrases that I’m happily seeing more openly posted about on social media feeds and blogs, as well as in the news. These are words that capture that idea of self expression according to self rules. It is a breaking out of the box, a deep sense of self responsibility and ownership, a stepping deeper into one’s being and living that in the world.
To define our own identities is empowerment and freedom. How each person identifies along the gender continuum is a very personal decision. And how that identity is expressed via body language, accoutrements, labels (or lack thereof), among many many other forms and avenues of expression. (note: even facebook has been offering a variety of ways users can express their genders)
Perhaps I should back up and make sure we are all on the same page regarding sex and gender. Sex is biological. It is vulva. It is penis. It is scrotum. It is uterus. It is anatomy, the reproductive system and the secondary characteristics. Gender is expression of femaleness, maleness and everything in between and beyond. It is culturally and socially prescribed social roles. It can be choosing (actively or passively) very traditional expression. It can be choosing expression of self that spans beyond what society says masculine and feminine expression *should* be for men and women (note: trans folks are not even generally included in what society thinks they *should* do in terms of expression. Unseen. Unheard. They may be seen and heard if they subscribe and express in accordance with what is considered traditionally *sexy* ways of being, however).
Ruby Rose, Australian model, actor and dj who created buzz with this phrase of ‘gender fluidity’ about 5-6 years ago, has earned her living as someone who has spanned many genders and much variety of gender expression. She brought the spotlight to a topic that had been discussed in smaller circles for years (like the sexology circles I am in). Her physical appearance helps the general public accept her message more, no doubt. And as we discuss beauty standards and pressures, my hope is that the general public can hear messages from folx who are not models just as easily one day.
In the meantime, embrace yourself as you are...from the inside. A suggestion is consciously to make space and time for this. It can start with the breath but I might argue that everything does.
Meditation suggestion
Find a quiet spot where you can have as much time as you can and want to devote to this practice and exercise. Relax by beginning to focus on your breath. “Breathing in, I am deepening my relaxation in each muscle. Breathing out, I am letting go of anxiety, concern and worry.” With each breath, you are letting go of how you *need* to be. Right now you do not *need* to be. You just are. You are sitting and you are breathing. You are making space within for the expression of you to come forward and be experienced. Feel your breath entering your body and filling up your belly as you keep your chest and shoulders level. Feel your body as you let go of your breath and your belly deflates and you exhale.
Contemplate the following. Contemplate and reflect on them not to produce answers but to simply feel what comes up within you when you read (or hear yourself say aloud) the following:
I am expressing my gender.
I am comfortable expressing my gender.
I consider myself masculine.
I consider myself feminine.
I consider myself neither masculine nor feminine.
I feel comfortable along the gender continuum.
I like wearing dresses.
I enjoy being in my body when I am wearing a tie.
I feel at home in my body as someone who expresses gender in a way that is in alignment with how I feel internally.
I have a calm and grounded feeling as I ponder if I understand what the previous bullet point means.
I am fearful of judgement if I express myself in a way that is in alignment with who I feel and know I am from the inside.
After you sit with each of these phrases, you may want to take some time for writing about what arose within your body and your breath and your thoughts and your emotions as you sat.
For ideas and ways to stay connected to and learn more about the unconscious through the body, feel free to stay connected.