We live in a society where trans folx are under attack just for being themselves which means there are unique challenges to exploring their sexuality such as body dysphoria, societal stigma, and limited access to affirming sexual health resources. As a Marin County sexologist, I’m an advocate for everyone having a healthy, satisfying sex life, and that includes trans folx. What follows are eight tips for how to do that.

Vibrators can contribute to stress relief, relaxation, and enhanced blood flow, potentially leading to better sexual health. For some people, a vibrator can also help with pain relief, particularly for menstrual cramps or pelvic discomfort. And for people who want to use a vibrator for more than masturbation, it can promote intimacy and communication with a partner. As a Marin County sex therapist, I work with couples around communication and sometimes even how sexual expression could include toys.

Trauma leaves a lasting impact on a person’s sense of self and affects their mental well-being and intimate connections. There are many ways the body can process trauma and one of them is ethical, consensual fetish and kink play. A fetish is a behavior that someone cannot get sexually aroused without whereas kink is an activity or behavior someone enjoys that goes outside the bounds of “traditional,” or “vanilla” sex. A person may get incredibly turned on by a kink, but not necessarily need it to get off. If they do, it becomes a fetish. Fetishes may be kinks, but not all kinks are fetishes.

We all know TV and movies don’t always get it right in terms of their portrayals so how does Sex Education stack up in regards to sex therapy? Is it more fiction than fact? Surprisingly, no. Is it unrealistic that Otis would know so much about sex therapy without going through proper training and certification? Absolutely. As a Bay Area sex therapist and sexologist, I had a rigorous training process – more than 300 hours of additional training and an additional 50 extra hours of supervision on top of my licensure. The things I learned cannot be gleaned by osmosis so in that way, Sex Education is a complete work of fiction.

Miscarriage is a profound and often silent form of grief that extends beyond the parent who physically miscarried. The grief experienced by partners, extended family, and friends is equally real and deserves recognition and support. By acknowledging and addressing disenfranchised grief, society can help those affected by miscarriage navigate their loss and find healing and solace in the company of empathetic and understanding communities.

Your creative, and thus sexual, energy is life-sustaining. It’s an expression that is unleashed and followed. Your creative expression is an energy that can be surrendered to and followed. It is the flow of life. The flow of life can be blocked for numerous reasons – primarily trauma, but also social conditioning. Inner child play can unblock that flow and transform your whole person.

There is nothing dysfunctional or abnormal about any fetish play, as long as there is consent between participants. The same goes for kink, which is an activity or behavior someone enjoys that goes outside the bounds of “traditional,” or “vanilla” sex.

None of these scenarios allow for flexibility or for the wide range of feelings and emotional expressions that are within the human experience. And that includes people with penises.

Therapy – whether it’s traditional, psychedelic-assisted, or sex therapy – never involves sex. Ever. Neither does therapy ever involve verbal sexual advances or any other kind of sexual contact or behavior.

I created a technique about 15 years ago called “Sexuality Mapping” as a way of working with a person’s sexuality and sexualness in order to potentially heal trauma by gaining a deeper understanding of their sexual past so that going forward they can make choices in alignment with who they really are.

Sex therapy isn’t just about sex – it’s about expression and pleasure and communication. Yes, I’ve worked with people experiencing vaginismus, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, hypo- and hyperarousal (to name a few), but ultimately what I care about is connecting the body and mind.

As an aside, everything from casual hook-up sex to committed monogamous has room for communication as a way to increase safety, pleasure, and fun. Pleasure and anxiety cannot coexist so remember when you are playing, if anxiety is up, voice it to your partner(s)

Lack of honesty and lack of connection (true connection and acknowledgment) of one’s desires can be traced back to a yearning to stay safe, to protect the constructed self.

Perhaps I should back up and make sure we are all on the same page regarding sex and gender. Sex is biological. It is vulva. It is penis. It is scrotum. It is uterus. It is anatomy, the reproductive system and the secondary characteristics. Gender is expression of femaleness and maleness and everything in between.