Professional Therapy Never Involves Sex

By: Dr. Denise Renye

Therapy – whether it’s traditional, psychedelic-assisted, or sex therapy – never involves sex. Ever. Neither does therapy ever involve verbal sexual advances or any other kind of sexual contact or behavior. Sexual contact of any kind between a therapist and a patient is unethical and illegal. Even sex therapy, which has the word “sex” in the description doesn’t involve sex, intercourse, flirting, or innuendoes.

Sex therapy is talk therapy and everyone in the room remains fully clothed with no touching. (You can read more about sex therapy here.) In the situations where clients could benefit from more structure when it comes to sex, a therapist may recommend a surrogate. Surrogate partner therapy includes the services of a surrogate partner (who works in close consultation with the referred client/patient and the psychologist or psychotherapist who said client/patient is in treatment with) to help the client gain a deeper understanding of themselves and any challenges they are having in their sexual life, which also includes issues related to partnership, relationship, dating, and communication of desires, wants, and needs. (To learn more about surrogate partner therapy, head here.)

Again though, sex does NOT take place with the therapist themselves! If sexual contact takes place, not only is it unethical and illegal, it can harm the patient either from the therapist’s exploitation of the patient for sexual gratification and/or the therapist’s loss of objectivity. If you’re sexually involved with someone, it takes a high level of consciousness to remain an objective bystander in their life. Most simply cannot.

All therapists know this and are trained to handle situations wherein a patient admires or feels attracted to them. Erotic transference is a term used to describe this very phenomenon and analytically trained therapists are taught how to handle this. Attraction and admiration are normal! It happens when someone is attentive, kind, caring, and supportive of you. However, there’s a difference between letting the feelings lie and acting on them.

A therapist who encourages the attraction or says sexual interaction is a part of therapy is taking advantage of you and your vulnerable position in the power differential of the therapeutic relationship. Once that happens, the therapeutic relationship is over. The stable, safe, secure relationship that occurs between a therapist and a patient is ruptured and whatever issues the patient was working on get postponed, neglected, or brushed aside. This can result in harmful, long-lasting emotional and psychological effects. This could very well be a reenactment of an earlier abuse in life and could lead to a re-traumatization.

The Warning Signs

It’s rarely the case that one day you’re chatting with a therapist as usual and the next you’re sleeping with them. No. More often than not, other inappropriate behavior comes first like the following:

·      Telling sexual jokes or stories

·      Looking at you seductively

·      Discussing the therapist’s sex life or relationships

·      Sitting too close, initiating hugging, holding you, or lying next to you

·      “Special” treatment such as being invited to lunch, dinner, or other social activity

·      Changing office practices (ex: late at night appointments or sessions away from the office)

·      Using you as confidante

·      Giving or receiving significant gifts

If you notice any of these behaviors taking place during therapy, they are major red flags. Stop seeing the therapist immediately. And if you’ve been sexually abused or exploited, it’s not your fault! Even if you initiated the sexual relationship, it’s the therapist’s responsibility to maintain professionalism. It’s also natural that you may have mixed feelings about your therapist if the relationship became a sexual one. After all, you confided in this person, you trusted them. Recognizing the relationship is abusive may be a painful awakening but you deserve to work with someone who will put your well-being first, and that means not adding sex to your relationship.

If you’ve been subjected to sexual abuse from a therapist, you’re not alone. There are things you can do – like finding a new therapist and reporting them to the state licensing board. For guidance in that regard, I highly recommend checking out this pamphlet. Sexual exploitation is atypical, but it happens. To protect yourself, recognize professional therapy never includes sex with the therapist. Ever.

To set up an appointment with me (Marin County Sexologist), click here.

References

Rutter, Peter (1989). Sex in the Forbidden Zone: When Men in Power – Therapists, Doctors, Clergy, Teachers & Others Betray Women’s Trust. New York: Penguin.

State of California Department of Consumer Affairs (2011). Professional Therapy Never Includes Sex. https://casponline.org/pdfs/lep/proftherapy%20sex%20never%20includes%20sex.pdf.