Pete Buttigieg, Patriarchy, and Paternity Leave
By: Dr. Denise Renye
Under patriarchy – the social system in which men hold more power than women and predominate in roles of political leadership, moral authority, social privilege, and control of property – it may seem like the cis-gendered White man is the reigning champion and “wins,” but that’s not true. (Also, even the concept of winning creates a binary. There’s a winner and there’s a loser. That itself splits people apart and keeps parts of ourselves from relating with other parts of ourselves.)
Nobody really “wins” under patriarchy because self-identified men cannot truly be themselves, especially if that means being caring, vulnerable, and soft individuals. That can show up in the body as erectile dysfunction, or it can show up in how men are treated when they do something seemingly “feminine.” For instance, the uproar surrounding Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg taking paternity leave.
Right-wing commentator Candace Owens called Buttigieg “sickeningly pathetic” for taking two months parental leave during a national transportation crisis. “Privileged times have produced the weakest men that have ever lived in America. Remove this little boy from office,” she tweeted with the hashtag #BringBackManlyMen.
FOX News host Tucker Carlson said on “Tucker Carlson Tonight” regarding Buttigieg’s leave, “Paternity leave, they call it, trying to figure out how to breastfeed. No word on how that went.”
First of all, not all women breastfeed, and second of all, childrearing is so much more than nursing. Second of all, both Owens’ and Carlson’s comments are glaringly patriarchal and denigrate men who “act like women.” It’s not considered “manly” to do things like being involved with childrearing despite the fact that numerous studies – including a policy brief from the Department of Labor – find paternity leave (and especially longer leaves of several weeks or months) can “promote parent-child bonding, improve outcomes for children, and even increase gender equity at home and at the workplace.”
Paternity leave is good for everyone and yet when we have a public example of someone doing that in the U.S., he’s criticized for “taking a vacation.” As Buttigieg pointed out to NBC News, “When somebody welcomes a new child into their family and goes on leave to take care of that child, that’s not a vacation; it’s work. It’s joyful, wonderful, fulfilling work. But it is work.”
Buttigieg is a position of privilege to be able to take 12 weeks off to bond with his twins, but others are fired, demoted, or lose job opportunities for taking parental leave. This runs counter to public opinion though – the National Partnership for Women and Families found in a poll last year that 75% of voters support a national paid family and medical leave policy that covers all workers. The support was across party lines and included 87% of Democrats, 71% of independents, and 70% of Republicans. The support also wasn’t restricted to women – polled men supported paid family leave as well. Yet, we have the likes of people like Owens asking that we “bring back manly men.”
Owen, Carlson, and others like them have bought into the harmful attitudes predominant under patriarchy – that men are less masculine if they show care or vulnerability. That couldn’t be further from the truth. All human beings – including self-identified men – have a nurturing side. Some of them are allowed to express it while others are not, but the side still exists. Every human being has a range of emotions and parts to themselves, even if patriarchy says otherwise.
Humans are multifaceted creatures. Embracing the whole person is essential to consider if you want to live a life that is fulfilling, enriched, and authentic. Demeaning others as a way to experience a sense of “power” may seem fulfilling to some, but I wonder what the world would be like if folx spent less time on homophobic and sexist endeavors and instead created space for living as their unique selves.
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References
Anglesey, Anders. “Candace Owens Calls Pete Buttigieg Paternity Leave 'Sickeningly Pathetic'” Newsweek.com. October 18, 2021. https://www.newsweek.com/candace-owens-pete-buttigieg-twitter-paternity-leave-supply-chain-crisis-1639801
National Partnership for Women and Families. “New Polling Confirms Strong, Broad Support for Paid Family and Medical Leave.” April 2020. https://www.nationalpartnership.org/our-work/resources/economic-justice/paid-leave/new-polling-paid-family-and-medical-leave.pdf
Rudman, Laurie; Mescher, Kris. “Penalizing Men Who Request a Family Leave: Is Flexibility Stigma a Femininity Stigma?” Journal of Social Issues, June 12, 2013. https://spssi.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/josi.12017
U.S. Department of Labor. “Paternity Leave: Why Parental Leave For Fathers Is So Important For Working Families.” https://www.dol.gov/sites/dolgov/files/OASP/legacy/files/PaternityBrief.pdf Accessed October 21, 2021.