Narcissism: The Shadow of Organized Religion

By: Dr. Denise Renye

Earlier this week, retired Pope Benedict XVI acknowledged “abuses and errors” had taken place under his watch as archbishop in Germany decades ago. Specifically, in terms of four cases involving the sexual abuse of minors. The retired pope asked for forgiveness, but denied any misconduct. The mere acknowledging of abuses and error while denying misconduct is confusing and disorienting and it doesn’t make logical sense.

“He is repeating words of apology that have fallen on deaf ears for decades,” said Mike McDonnell, communications manager with Survivors Network of Those Abused by Priests in the New York Times article. “True apologies are followed by true amends, and that is a concept that the church doesn’t seem able to grasp.”

He added that the retired pope’s letter follows a pattern of abuse, institutional acknowledgment, and lack of action that abuse survivors have long complained about. When someone uses religion, or a relationship with God, as a way to bypass responsibility, they’re gaslighting. When they focus more on their own avoidance of guilt, when they make excuses, they’re gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a concept popularized by the theatrical play “Gas Light” in 1938, which also spawned several films. It describes the “psychological manipulation of another individual, when you make that individual doubt their own truth and mental health,” according to the Swedish website Näthatshjälpen. (For more information about gaslighting, including warning signs, check out this Psychology Today article.)

Something unique in the case of the retired pope is the practice of “psychological absolvance,” or absolving sin. The practice is a Catholic or Eastern Orthodox one in which only priests have the power to absolve sins. In other words, they grant release from the guilt of sin and the person is proclaimed to be forgiven for their wrongdoing. Any sins that the retired pope has committed in regards to this sexual abuse scandal, someone else has absolved him from. However, it’s empty because as McDonnell said, true apologies are followed by true amends. What the Catholic church is doing is hollow and displays narcissism.

The retired pope displays some narcissistic traits. A narcissist will feel superior to other people, which is revealed in how they talk about themselves and others. They think they deserve special treatment or that the rules don’t apply to them. Narcissists also blame someone else, refusing to take responsibility.

What if Pope Benedict XVI said, “This happened on my watch and I’m sorry?” And then followed it up with something like excommunicating the priests that abused minors? Doing so would mean those priests would be officially excluded from participating in the sacraments and services of the Christian church, which is presumably something they care about. If not excommunication, then something, something of a concrete action to publicly acknowledge the harm that was caused by the abuse and errors known as violence against another human being. These other human beings were vulnerable individuals who placed their trust and care in those that violated them in ways that caused trauma and changed their lives. 

We’re seeing the shadow side of the Catholic church, the side they want to hide but must be dealt with. Carl Jung popularized shadow work in the West and emphasized that we all have different parts of ourselves that have been exiled, that we try to repress or keep hidden. One of Jung’s most famous quotes is, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

Precisely. How many times has the Catholic church experienced a sexual abuse scandal that they’ve tried to cover up and then apologized for when it comes to light? This is the shadow side of the Catholic church that they haven’t dealt with because if they had, sexual abuse scandals wouldn’t keep cropping up. The unconscious elements they have refused to assimilate and bring into the light continue harming people and wreaking havoc on the psyches of millions.

All of these scandals, all of this narcissism can lead to the spirituality of Catholicism being lost. The overarching religiosity can leave people hungry for substance. It’s like a meal that is supposed to be nutrient dense, but it’s full of empty calories. That’s not to say the spirituality is always lost. Some churches are able to tap into it, but I’d argue those churches do things differently. They’re not littered with narcissistic leaders or folx who try to pass off accountability. They have done or are doing shadow work. They’re humble and welcoming.

Still, some folx are turned off by organized religion and are seeking something else, for real good reason! For those interested in cultivating a spiritual practice that doesn’t involve organized religion, I have a blogpost with tips.

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References

Näthatshjälpen by Make Equal. “Gaslighting, when you are not heard or listened to” factsheet. Accessed June 2, 2020. https://nathatshjalpen.se/en/a/gaslighting-heard-listened/

Pianigiani, Gaia; Povoledo, Elisabetta. “Retired Pope Asks Forgiveness Over Handling of Abuse Cases.” The New York Times. February 8, 2022. https://www.nytimes.com/2022/02/08/world/europe/pope-benedict-abuse-germany.html?referringSource=articleShare

Sarkis, Stephanie A. “11 Warning Signs of Gaslighting.” Psychology Today. January 22, 2017. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201701/11-warning-signs-gaslighting