Cis-men: Voices and Vasectomies Needed!
By: Dr. Denise Renye
In watching the fallout from the leaked Supreme Court decision draft that would overturn Roe v. Wade, it’s interesting for me to notice who is speaking and who is not. My social media feeds are littered with outraged women. They are sharing stories of their abortions and of people they know who had one because nearly one in four women has had an abortion. They are attending protests. They are contacting their representatives. The voices missing from the condemnation? Far too many people with penises who have sex in such a way that can result in pregnancy.
That’s not to say all those people are silent. Some of them are sharing the memes or discussing their vasectomy stories. And the interest in vasectomy is growing. New data from Innerbody Research found Google searches for “how much is a vasectomy” and “are vasectomies reversible” are up 250% since the Supreme Court leak last week.
Also, daily searches that include the term “vasectomy” are up 99% from 6,033 average searches per day between March 6 and April 2, to 12,000 from May 1 to May 7. The states where searches for “vasectomy near me” were most popular were Michigan, Kentucky, Indiana, Ohio, and Florida. Nearly all of these states have pre-Roe abortion bans or “trigger bans” that would automatically ban abortion if Roe no longer applies, or other stringent abortion bans and restrictions already in effect.
In other words, the men are thinking about abortion, they are talking about it, just not as publicly as women. Why is that? In a Jezebel article, Kylie Cheung writes:
“[S]o many people, who may even identify as ‘pro-choice,’ are convinced that this conversation simply does not impact them, and therefore, they’re excused from participating in it. This notion is invariably rooted in stigma, in the idea that abortion only impacts the most disposable members of society, that it’s somehow dirty, and those who seek care are irresponsible, slutty, unimportant.”
Cheung’s point about associating abortion with “slutty” and “irresponsible” is something I’ve noticed as well. Even the folx supporting reproductive choice sound like they’re doing so for extreme cases: “I’m supporting so and so because she has to choose between putting food on the table or having another child,” or “I’m supporting so and so because she was raped by her brother and pregnant with his child.” The supporters are trying to take the stigma out of abortion, which is great, but also, some people just want to have penis-in-vagina sex and they didn’t use protection for whatever reason. Shouldn’t those people have a choice too? Why not accept reality and account for it?
In our current world, some people don’t want children. They’re concerned about the cost of raising a child, climate change, overpopulation, etc. Couching abortion as something only for extreme or “worthy” cases diminishes the very valid concerns people have about parenting. Forcing someone to become a parent when they don’t want to is harmful to everyone: the parent(s) and the child.
And yet, our society is set up in such a way that people with penises can regularly say, “I don’t want kids,” and are not penalized for it. In terms of child support, for instance, a U.S. Census report estimates more than half (56.5%) of custodial parents do not receive the full amount of child support to which they’re entitled. And more than 30% of parents receive nothing. By and large, people with penises can walk away from the responsibility of pregnancy while the person with the uterus cannot because they are growing the fetus.
This setup reflects U.S. culture, which expects that the people who are most affected by an issue are the ones required to do the work to change it. When it comes to sexism, the onus for dismantling falls on people who identify as women. However, that doesn’t work.
Let’s take an easily studied example. A Harvard Business Review article found when people who identify as men are deliberately engaged in gender inclusion programs, 96% of organizations see progress, compared with only 30% of organizations where men are not engaged. The article authors W. Brad Johnson and David G. Smith wrote, “Individualistic approaches to solving gender inequities overlook systemic structural causes and reinforce the perception that these are women’s issues. In essence, men are told they don’t need to be involved. Without the avid support of men, often the most powerful stakeholders in most large corporations, significant progress toward ending gender disparities is unlikely.”
Precisely. Without the support of men, significant progress toward advancing issues that affect people who identify as women is unlikely, whether that’s reproductive choice, the gender pay gap, or punishing sexual crimes. In other words, men, we need you. Please speak up.
To set up an appointment with me (Marin County Sexologist), click here.
References
Cheung, Kylie. “Abortion Has Touched Your Life, Whether You’ve Had One or Not.” Jezebel.com. May 3, 2022. https://jezebel.com/abortion-has-touched-your-life-whether-you-ve-had-one-1848873415
Cheung, Kylie. “Vasectomy Searches Are Up 250% Since the Roe v. Wade Leak.” Jezebel.com. May 10, 2022. https://jezebel.com/vasectomy-searches-are-up-250-since-the-roe-v-wade-le-1848906675
Johnson, W. Brad; Smith, David G. “How Men Can Become Better Allies to Women.” Harvard Business Review. October 12, 2018. https://hbr.org/2018/10/how-men-can-become-better-allies-to-women
King, Grace. 'We all know somebody' | Research shows nearly 1 in 4 women have an abortion. NBC News. May 4, 2022. https://www.wbir.com/article/news/local/we-all-know-somebody-research-shows-nearly-1-in-4-women-have-an-abortion/51-64449f30-8f9e-4b6e-bf62-09eab54ceb05
U.S. Census Report. “44 Percent of Custodial Parents Receive the Full Amount of Child Support.” January 30, 2018. https://www.census.gov/newsroom/press-releases/2018/cb18-tps03.html