Symptoms, Can You Show Me the Way?
By: Dr. Denise Renye
Typically when folx come to see me, they have a symptom they'd like to address – maybe internal judgments are ripping them to shreds, they eat compulsively, feel anxious, have a history of trauma they'd like to process, or experience erectile dysfunction, to name a few. Whatever it is, they often view these symptoms as problems. They think there is something wrong with them. Perhaps they believe they are broken people who need to be fixed. (They don't.)
And yes, the symptoms may be uncomfortable and something they want to alleviate, but I invite the folx I work with to think of those symptoms as indicating there's something right with them. I know that may sound odd, bold even, but the body and the psyche are intelligent. They do what they do for a reason. For instance, if a person grew up in an abusive household, it makes perfect sense if they may struggle to trust other people. They adapted in such a way to keep themselves safe from further abuse.
Similarly, another person in an abusive situation may cope with abuse by shrinking themselves and doing whatever they can to go unnoticed. They may pretend they don't have any needs of their own and become codependent. They may think entirely of others because again, it's a strategy that “worked” for them. If they focused on the abuser, on keeping them happy, perhaps the abuse lessened, at least temporarily. The person did what they had to do to survive. How can there be anything wrong with that? Well, perhaps the strategy has outlived its usefulness in the present day and the time has come for a new way of living, which may cause (purposeful) pain.
The body and the psyche consistently aid us in moving in the direction of health and wellness. However, at least according to Jungian psychology, it's necessary to go deeper into the curiosity and the mystery of the pain, the wound, and the symptom, to lead to that sense of well-being.
Jungian analyst Dr. Bud Harris says, "Jungian psychology deals with wounds by, paradoxically, amplifying rather than reducing our problems. It declares that dreams and symptoms exist for a purpose. They are there to lead us back to the path we have lost, to meaning, to truth, and to the art of living."
To go back to our abuse example, the symptom is finding oneself in untrustworthy relationships. Engaging with the struggle to trust others and the pain of seeking out and remaining in those relationships together with a desire for that to change is how the inner work deepens. Engaging with the pain can bring about more consciousness and a deeper understanding of the self. What would it be like to operate in a safe environment where boundaries are respected? How would integration within occur more deeply if one could stand in one’s truth without punishment or even fear of punishment? Acknowledging the wound without trying to cover it up can lead to living a life that is more in alignment with who the person is. And it can seem daunting.
It reminds me of two quotes. The mystic poet Rumi said, “The wound is the place where the light gets in." Awareness of pain can bring about transformation and connection to a higher purpose, maybe even spirituality. In other words, more light. The other quote that I use often comes from Anaïs Nin who said, “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
When a person's pain becomes too great, when their symptom is too intense, that's when they are ready to change. The pain is not something to shy away from, but instead something to embrace, with support. If you are that person, the one who is ready to change and doesn't have support, my wish is that you find it sooner rather than later. And in the meantime, keep in touch with me. I'm here, cheering you on.