Are You Still Using These Words? If So, Stop

By: Dr. Denise Renye

Back in the late 90s and early 2000s, the casual use of homophobic language was socially sanctioned. It wasn’t uncommon to call someone a f*ggot or say, “What up, homo?” and laugh. If you watch a movie from that time period, you might find yourself cringing at the frequency with which those in the LGBTQIA+ community are denigrated either directly by this language or by way of overhearing the use of it. These days, that sort of language doesn’t fly in the media.

Case in point, in August 2021, Matt Damon faced criticism after revealing he only recently stopped using the word f*ggot. During an interview with the U.K.’s The Sunday Times, he said “I made a joke, months ago, and got a treatise from my daughter. She left the [dinner] table. I said, 'Come on, that's a joke! I say it in the movie Stuck on You!' She went to her room and wrote a very long, beautiful treatise on how that word is dangerous. I said, 'I retire the f-slur!' I understood."

As ET reported, “Damon's admission drew quick criticism on social media, with many questioning why he felt the term was OK in the first place, and why it took him so long to realize how offensive it can be. Others questioned why he chose to tell that story at all.”

Given the outrage, you would think the use of the word f*ggot, or homo in a derogatory way is rare but is it? I find it baffling but some people still think it’s OK to use those words, as Damon demonstrated. It’s hard to quantify how many people still use that sort of language because who’s conducting that sort of survey? However, anecdotally, people have used those words around me recently and I’ve heard of instances where it’s used at work.

What makes this issue even more complex is that some folx in the queer community are trying to reclaim the f-slur. But has the sting been taken out? “I know it can be tossed around on occasion in a playful way between gay men, but personally, I still cringe when I hear it,” said sex and relationships writer Sean Abrams in a GQ article. “I have vivid memories of being called a faggot when I was younger, so despite having less of a negative connotation when used among members of our own community, that doesn’t take away the associations I’ve always connected it with.”

As Phillip Ellis notes in the GQ article he penned, “Language is forged through history and it feels naïve to think that negative connotations that have been ingrained generationally can be simply willed away.” Later on, he writes:

“Perhaps the only comparable example of a community retaking ownership of language used against them is the n-word, used in all manner of contexts within the Black community, but also still considered very much a racist slur when uttered by anybody else. ‘It’s encouraging to see people reclaim the word ‘faggot’ and use it in a power move, in the same way that as a man of colour I find it empowering when Black celebrities use the n-word,’ says David Chipakupaku, who works in TV in London.

“But as with rappers who use the n-word, we need to be aware that those who want to harm us will see our empowerment as an excuse to feel free to use those words willy-nilly and claim that we’re attacking their freedom of speech when we challenge them. I’m happy to be a faggy fag, running around in my faggotry. But I worry about saying it in public, around non-gay people, as they may feel they have a right to use it.” 

Exactly. Non-gay people do not have a right to use the word f*ggot, just as they are not allowed to greet each other with the word “homo.” The diminutive version of the word homosexual is not used as a descriptor, it’s used as an insult or a joke. In other words, it causes harm to anyone who identifies as a homosexual or falls closer to that side of the sexuality continuum.

People are still using these words, but I encourage them to stop because of the damage it causes to the LGBTQIA+ community. Language matters and as we enter Pride month, it’s important to be especially mindful of how the words we use leave a mark. Just as cis-men’s voices are needed in the abortion rights movement, non-gay voices are needed to discourage the use of homophobic language. If you’re not celebrating Pride month as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community, you can celebrate as an ally by shooting down the use of the words, “homo” and “f*ggot.”

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References

Ellis, Phillip. “Reclaiming the word ‘faggot’ is a tricky business.” GQ Magazine, UK. July 6, 2019. https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/lifestyle/article/faggot-meaning

Seemayer, Zach. “Matt Damon Receives Backlash After Admitting He Just Recently Stopped Using the 'F-Slur'” ET Online. August 1, 2021. https://www.etonline.com/matt-damon-receives-backlash-after-admitting-he-just-recently-stopped-using-the-f-slur-169811