Let’s Normalize Self-Care for People with Prostates
By: Dr. Denise Renye
If you take a look at the U.S. culture right now, you’ll see symptoms of a sick society: mass shootings, turning back the clock on reproductive rights, rampant racism, environmental catastrophe … things look and feel bleak. It’s enough to make you want to board a spaceship to another planet, right? But here’s the thing: Wherever you go, there you are. That means nothing changes unless you do the inner work to change. And the more you change, the more that has a ripple effect. It’s why I think therapy is not just navel-gazing – what happens in the consulting room has broader implications for how you’re interacting with the world.
And yes, I’m a psychologist so I focus a lot on mental and emotional health, but I’m also a yoga therapist and sexologist, which means I also focus on spiritual and physical health as I know firsthand the link between the mind and body. In other words, the more you heal the body, you increase the chances of healing the mind and vice versa. Unfortunately, self-identified women are more likely to do this than self-identified men. Women visit their primary care provider to a greater extent than men for both physical and mental health concerns, according to research from Canada. That’s a problem.
In order for society to improve, all people must take care of their bodies, minds, and spirits. Have you heard that expression, “Hurt people hurt people?” It’s true. Hurt, wounded, traumatized people continue to perpetuate dysfunctional behaviors, which in turn affects the overall health of society. I understand it can be daunting for anyone to address their health but for self-identified men, in particular, they have the added hurdle of going against messages about traditional masculinity. It’s one of the reasons I say patriarchy is tied to erectile dysfunction: being soft is not allowed in a patriarchal society. That applies not only to the penis itself but also to “soft” behaviors like getting checked out by a doctor.
If you think you should be tough, brave, and self-reliant, you are more likely to ignore medical problems or put off dealing with them, Rutgers researchers found. Please don’t. Something I’m very concerned about is prostate cancer, which is widespread. Did you know about 80% of folx with the gland who reach 80 years old have cancer cells in their prostate? That’s a significant amount! But getting prostate cancer is certainly not inevitable.
But let’s start with some basics, what is the prostate? It’s a walnut-sized organ inside the rectum and just under the bladder. It wraps around the urethra and tends to get larger with age. When the prostate swells, you may see some dribbles of urine or feel some pressure when you sit. There may be an increased need for urination and a lot of people with prostates don't even talk about it. They may also have some sciatic nerve pain, herniation, or groin pain due to inflammation in the pelvic floor. So many people with prostates live with this discomfort and pain that it’s considered the norm. And there is much suffering in silence going on when it comes to the prostate because we have not normalized self-care for bodies with prostates.
A preventative measure is prostate milking or prostate massaging. When the prostate is stimulated with a finger, massager, or sex toy, it produces a thin, milky fluid called prostate fluid. A preliminary trial from 2009 of a home prostate massage device found that men with chronic prostatitis or benign prostatic hyperplasia experienced a reduction in symptoms following this type of prostate massage. Massage: It’s normal self-care. Let’s talk about it as such!
As is the case with any sort of massage, it can be for health reasons, but it can also be for pleasure reasons.
Oftentimes people with prostates don't know who to talk to about this sort of thing but getting comfortable with discussing health concerns is important. Speaking with a sexologist, pelvic floor physical therapist, or urologist is very appropriate. And familiarizing yourself with your body is a powerful tool for health and agency in this lifetime.
I also want to acknowledge that because the prostate is accessible via the anus, and prostate milking can be practiced as a form of sexual pleasure, some folx may feel resistant to using this technique. Because many people continue to subscribe and use heteronormative languaging, they may feel scared and even consider this as “doing something gay.” And at the same time, a body part doesn’t have a sexual orientation. Body parts are neutral. They are attached to people and people are the ones that have sexual orientations.
Feeling pleasure when your prostate is stimulated is biological and doesn’t mean anything in terms of your sexual preferences. Don’t let fear keep you from taking care of your health. This planet needs as many healthy people as it can get.
Journal prompts:
· Do I have any fear around taking care of my physical body? What images, feelings, and sensations arise when I imagine taking better care of myself?
· What difference would taking care of myself make to my partner, friends, my family, and the planet?
· What are three measurable actions I can do today that would support my physical health?
To set up an appointment with me (Marin County Sexologist), click here.
References
Branson, Ken. “The Tougher Men Think They Are, the Less Likely They Are to Be Honest with Doctors.” Rutgers Today. March 23, 2016. https://www.rutgers.edu/news/tougher-men-think-they-are-less-likely-they-are-be-honest-doctors#.WRDhldLyvIV
Capodice, J.L.; Stone, B.A.; Katz, A.E. “Evaluation of an At-Home-Use Prostate Massage Device for Men with Lower Urinary Tract Symptoms.” The Open Urology and Nephrology Journal. January 10, 2009. https://openurologyandnephrologyjournal.com/VOLUME/2/PAGE/20/ABSTRACT/
DerSarkissian, Carol. “Prostate Cancer Risk Factors.” WebMD. June 9, 2021. https://www.webmd.com/prostate-cancer/guide/prostate-cancer-risk-factors#:~:text=All%20men%20are%20at%20risk,that%20contribute%20to%20the%20risk.
Thompson, A.E., Anisimowicz, Y., Miedema, B. et al. “The influence of gender and other patient characteristics on health care-seeking behaviour: a QUALICOPC study.” BMC Fam Pract. 2016, vol. 17:38. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12875-016-0440-0