What’s the Deal with the #Tradwife Trend?
By: Dr. Denise Renye
You may have noticed on your social media feeds a rise in the #tradwife hashtag. It’s short for “traditional wife” and is a lifestyle choice where people are enacting what they think are old-school gender roles. It glorifies the homemaking life such as cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the kids. People who are supportive of this trend lean into invisible work, which is all the work that takes place in private and doesn’t have financial compensation.
A couple from the 1950s, with the man holding the woman as she leaps into the air, reminiscent of traditional gender dynamics.
These #tradwife folx are into the idea of wives being traditional and submissive to their husbands. Some of them are even bringing back the vibe from the 1950s by dressing up in pearls and wearing poufy skirts. Who can say why trends start but I suspect the rise of the #tradwife has something to do with the pandemic.
With many people stuck at home and schools going virtual in the pandemic’s early days, folx had to juggle a bunch of new responsibilities and it forced a rethink of who does what at home. In many cases, the burden fell to women, according to several surveys. One such survey from Women in Academia reported that 64% of college-educated mothers reduced their working hours to take care of the children during the pandemic, compared with 36% percent of college-educated fathers and 52% of college-educated women without young children.
In other words, when push came to shove, many couples did fall back on traditional gender roles during the pandemic and some of them discovered they liked it. They enjoyed having one partner work outside the home to financially support the family while the other partner stayed at home to handle all the domestic duties. Critics of the #tradwife trend say it isn’t feminist to fall back into these traditional ways of being but they forget that feminism is about giving women a choice in how they live their lives.
I’m not one to judge what people choose to do with their time, bodies, roles, or sexuality AND I appreciate helping people reflect and raise their consciousness about what they’re doing and why. When it comes to gender roles, there can be societal pressure to do one thing or another and my hope for people is to consciously choose what they’re doing in their relationships and with their bodies, not fall into a default way of being. If people are #tradwives, I would encourage them to consider if they are enacting that role because they’ve reflected on what they want to do and how they want to be. Are they coming from a place of agency or does the person feel they have to be a traditional wife to conform or gain approval in one way or another?
It's also the case that sometimes people want to experiment and that’s fine too! Exploring traditional gender norms or roles in a consensual and respectful manner can just be fun, it doesn’t have to mean anything or signify aligning with any particular political ideology, especially if it’s not a lifestyle choice and instead a sexual experimentation. For some couples, enacting traditional gender roles is a kink, or a type of sexual play that falls outside of “vanilla” sexual intercourse. For them, and anyone else who wants to experiment, it’s entirely possible to engage in role-playing or fantasies inspired by traditional gender dynamics while maintaining a commitment to equality, consent, and shared decision-making.
As always, consent and conscious communication are a must with any kind of role-play or kink. That means discussing desires, boundaries, and expectations with your partner(s). It also means making sure that everyone involved is comfortable. Role-playing is a time to experiment and doesn’t mean the person subscribes to the roles in real life. Nor is role-playing traditional gender roles relegated to straight couples. Queer couples can also play with a #tradwife scene if it fits with their desires. Just like with straight couples, queer couples must customize and adapt their role-playing scene to fit the dynamics of the relationship. Again, equality, respect, and consent are crucial.
Journal Prompts
Consider the dynamics of a partnership in a traditional household. Reflect on the importance of effective communication and collaboration with your partner. How do you envision decision-making processes and the distribution of responsibilities? How can you ensure mutual respect and shared goals while upholding traditional roles?
How might you navigate the tension between embracing traditional roles and adapting to modern expectations?
Describe your ideal domestic environment and the role you envision for yourself within it. Consider aspects such as homemaking, childcare, and managing household responsibilities.
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Reference
Zamarro, Gemma. “Gender Differences in the Economic and Social Impact of the COVID-19 Pandemic.” WIA Report. July 8, 2020. https://www.wiareport.com/2020/07/gender-differences-in-the-economic-and-social-impact-of-the-covid-19-pandemic/