GUEST BLOG. Exploring kinks and fantasies in a safe environment can be difficult if you’re not surrounded by a supportive and understanding community, or you don’t possess the knowledge and experience to handle such situations. The tips given above are some of the more easier ways to start building a place for yourself to safely explore your interests. Remember, sexuality is fluid and everyone’s interests and turn-ons are unique. Being open and non-judgmental about your fantasies can help you understand the meaning behind them and lead to a cathartic experience for your body and mind.

In a sex-positive framework, which I practice as a Bay Area sex therapist and psychologist, consensual adult sexual expressions are valid and worthy of respect. This means I view foot fetishes not as a disorder or abnormality but as a natural variation of human sexuality. The sex-positive approach is grounded in the belief that sexual diversity is a normal and healthy part of life. It challenges the notion that only certain types of sexual expressions are acceptable and encourages people to explore and express their sexuality in ways that feel authentic and fulfilling to them.

Trauma leaves a lasting impact on a person’s sense of self and affects their mental well-being and intimate connections. There are many ways the body can process trauma and one of them is ethical, consensual fetish and kink play. A fetish is a behavior that someone cannot get sexually aroused without whereas kink is an activity or behavior someone enjoys that goes outside the bounds of “traditional,” or “vanilla” sex. A person may get incredibly turned on by a kink, but not necessarily need it to get off. If they do, it becomes a fetish. Fetishes may be kinks, but not all kinks are fetishes.

Speaking of finding each other and feeling at ease, online platforms have made it easier to feel at home wherever you are because connection with loved ones is possible in an instant. As a Bay Area sex therapist, I do a lot of work around intimacy and improving relationships. Online platforms make it easy to stay in touch while people are traveling or to nurture the flame of long-distance relationships. Sharing jokes, memes, and pictures of daily life can help people who are far away from each other feel like they’re still involved in each other’s lives. And video calls mean if you want to see one another in real time, you can.

For individuals exploring kink, having a kink-friendly therapist can be crucial to feeling understood and supported in therapy. Many people with non-mainstream sexual interests worry about being judged, misunderstood, or even shamed. A kink-friendly sex therapist:

It's also the case that sometimes people want to experiment and that’s fine too! Exploring traditional gender norms or roles in a consensual and respectful manner can just be fun, it doesn’t have to mean anything or signify aligning with any particular political ideology, especially if it’s not a lifestyle choice and instead a sexual experimentation. For some couples, enacting traditional gender roles is a kink, or a type of sexual play that falls outside of “vanilla” sexual intercourse.

There is nothing dysfunctional or abnormal about any fetish play, as long as there is consent between participants. The same goes for kink, which is an activity or behavior someone enjoys that goes outside the bounds of “traditional,” or “vanilla” sex.