Marin County Sexologist Reveals 8 Tips for Sex Positivity

By: Dr. Denise Renye

Sex positivity is a crucial aspect of sexual health and well-being. Sex positivity is the belief that all consensual sexual expressions are valid and should be free from judgment. That’s important for everyone but even more so for marginalized groups such as trans folx because sex positivity can affirm their identities and empower them to explore and enjoy sexuality without shame or stigma. To be clear, as a Marin County sexologist, I emphasize that all consensual sexual activities are healthy, normal, and worthy of acceptance and celebration.

And what better time to celebrate sexuality and sex positivity than during Pride Month when the LGBTQIA+ community is more visible? Celebration and acceptance mean encouraging open, honest conversations about sex, promoting sexual health and education, and emphasizing respect for individual choices and boundaries. For trans individuals, adopting a sex-positive mindset can be particularly liberating as it challenges societal norms that often marginalize or pathologize their experiences. 

We live in a society where trans folx are under attack just for being themselves which means there are unique challenges to exploring their sexuality such as body dysphoria, societal stigma, and limited access to affirming sexual health resources. As a Marin County sexologist, I’m an advocate for everyone having a healthy, satisfying sex life, and that includes trans folx. What follows are eight tips for how to do that.

1. Self-Exploration: Self-exploration is a fundamental aspect of understanding your sexual desires and boundaries. Masturbation, using sex toys, and exploring fantasies can help folx become more comfortable with their bodies and sexual preferences. This self-knowledge can enhance self-esteem and body positivity.

2. Communication and Consent: Effective communication with sexual partners is key to a positive sexual experience. Especially for trans folx, a safe space needs to be created for them to feel empowered to express their needs, desires, and boundaries clearly. Consent is paramount in any sexual encounter, ensuring that all parties are comfortable and enthusiastic about the activities they engage in.

3. Seeking Affirming Partners: Finding partners who respect and affirm you is important for everyone, but even more so for trans folx who need a partner to affirm their gender identity. To take it a step further, trans individuals deserve partners who are not only accepting of their identities but also willing to engage in open, respectful dialogue about their sexual needs. This is a basic right and need. And of course, doing so can significantly enhance the quality of sexual experiences.

4. Education and Resources: Access to accurate, inclusive sexual health information is vital. For trans individuals, they should seek out resources that address their specific needs, such as hormone-related changes in sexuality, safe sex practices, and navigating healthcare systems. Online communities, support groups, and LGBTQIA+ organizations can provide valuable information and support.

5. Personal Agency: A key component of sex positivity for everyone is personal agency or the ability to make autonomous decisions about your body and sexuality. This involves recognizing and asserting your right to pleasure, setting and respecting boundaries, and making informed choices about sexual activities.

6. Empowerment Through Knowledge: Knowledge is power. By educating yourself about sexual health, you can make informed decisions that enhance well-being and pleasure. (As a Marin County sexologist, I can help you with that if you need.) For trans folx, education is more specific and could include something like understanding the effects of hormone therapy, which can affect changes in libido and sexual function.

7. Affirming Sexual Expression: I want everyone to feel empowered to express their sexuality in ways that feel authentic to them. For trans individuals, this may include exploring different types of sexual relationships, trying new sexual activities, or using gender-affirming language during sexual encounters (and beyond!). 

8. Overcoming Internalized Stigma: Internalized stigma and shame can hinder sexual exploration and pleasure for everyone. For trans folx, the internalized stigma and shame may be especially acute. Engaging in self-compassion, seeking therapy, and connecting with supportive communities can help people overcome these barriers and embrace their sexuality with confidence.

Sex positivity is a powerful tool that offers a path to sexual exploration, pleasure, and affirmation for everyone but especially trans individuals. During Pride Month, and beyond, we must celebrate and support the diverse sexual experiences of trans individuals, fostering a world where everyone can enjoy their sexuality without fear or judgment. One way to do that is by cultivating sex positivity.

If you’d like to work with me to increase your sex positivity, or on anything else sex/sexuality related, contact me.