Honoring Sex Therapist Dr. Ruth
By: Dr. Denise Renye
The sex therapy world lost a legend recently when Dr. Ruth Westheimer, more commonly known as just “Dr. Ruth,” died at age 96 on July 12, 2024. She paved the way for someone like me, a Marin County sex therapist, to talk openly about sex.
While Dr. Ruth achieved much success later in life, she wasn’t without her challenges. Karola Ruth Siegel was born in 1928 into an orthodox Jewish family in Frankfurt, Germany. Her mother Irma (Hanauer) Siegel was a housekeeper and her father (Julius) was a salesman. She credits her happy upbringing with providing her with such joie de vivre along with the music she heard and sang growing up.
At 10, her parents sent her away to Switzerland to escape Kristallnacht, “Night of the Broken Glass,” a pogrom against Jews carried out by the Nazi party. Westheimer thinks her parents were murdered at Auschwitz because she never saw them again. She used that traumatic experience to fuel her life, telling Hadassah Magazine in 2014 that, “You can take horrible experiences you will never forget, but you can use the experiences to live a productive life.”
I won’t tell her whole life story except to say she immigrated to the U.S. in 1956 and worked as a maid in New York while studying for her master’s degree in sociology. She went on to earn a Doctorate of Education from Columbia University and in her post-Ph.D. job at Planned Parenthood in Harlem, she began teaching sex education.
It was in the 1980s when she became a celebrity, frankly discussing sex on her popular late-night radio show, Sexually Speaking. She was in her 50s at that time, a Crone. So often, women at that age and stage of life face ageism and are portrayed as asexual or “dried up.” When sex is discussed for elderly folx, it’s often as a punchline. Dr. Ruth showed that sex remains important in midlife and beyond. Also, what made her so striking is that at 4’7” she looked like a diminutive granny but she openly discussed the mechanics of sex and normalized the use of words like “penis,” “vagina,” and “condom.”
She wrote dozens of books, including those specifically for older women, and continually said women have responsibility for their own sexual satisfaction. She reminded people that there is nothing to be ashamed of when discussing sex and encouraged people to, “Get some!” She approached her work with gusto and fun, embracing the Talmudic advice that says unless something is taught with humor, the lesson is not learned.
Dr. Ruth experienced her share of criticism though because she was an outspoken supporter of gay and abortion rights. In fact, during a lecture she gave at Oklahoma State University in 1985, Billy Joe Clegg, a local minister, tried (and failed) to make a citizen’s arrest of her. It didn’t stop her though. She continued to talk about sex openly and viewed pleasure as important.
As a Marin County sex therapist, I’m proud to carry on the work of Dr. Ruth educating people about sex and how to have a healthy, satisfying sex life. If you’d like to work with me on sex therapy, depth psychotherapy, or holistic coaching, contact me.
References
Kurutz, Steven. “Dr. Ruth’s Tips for a Happy Life.” New York Times. July 15, 2024. https://www.nytimes.com/2024/07/15/style/dr-ruths-tips-happiness.html?searchResultPosition=2.
Lewis, Daniel. “Ruth Westheimer, the Sex Guru Known as Dr. Ruth, Dies at 96.” New York Times. July 13, 2024. https://www.nytimes.com/2024/07/13/arts/television/ruth-westheimer-dead.html?searchResultPosition=1.
Musleah, Rahel. “Ruth Westheimer.” Hadassah Magazine. December/January 2014. https://www.hadassahmagazine.org/2015/01/05/ruth-westheimer/.
Van Deventer, M.J. “Therapist Attacks Sex Myths OSU Officials Foil Citizen's Arrest Attempt.” The Oklahoman. Oct. 8, 1985. https://www.oklahoman.com/story/news/1985/10/08/therapist-attacks-sex-myths-osu-officials-foil-citizens-arrest-attempt/62749525007/.