Hypervigilance and How it Thwarts Pleasure

By: Dr. Denise Renye

Many people are familiar with anxiety – racing thoughts, worry about the future, and wondering if they said or did something “wrong.” In fact, too many people may call that “a regular day in my head!” What’s less talked about is anxiety’s close cousin: hypervigilance.

Hypervigilance is a state of increased fear. Think of it as being constantly on alert for a threat. Hypervigilance is not only a mental state, it’s a somatic one. The central nervous system is involved so the body is also on high alert, not just the mind. Someone experiencing hypervigilance may startle at loud noises involuntarily. Or their fears that someone will break in may keep them awake at night.

Why does this happen? It’s the body’s way of protecting itself. The mind and body are searching for safety, physical and emotional. Sometimes the more pressing concern is emotional safety, not physical, meaning someone experiencing hypervigilance may not be bothered by loud noises or scared of strangers. Instead, they may constantly critique their relationships looking for signs the other person will leave or break up with them. They may fret over every text message, convinced there’s a hidden message pointing toward a negative outcome. They may be unable to relax in their relationships, which is not evidence there’s something wrong with them. Hypervigilance is not something to beat yourself up about. It’s a trauma response.

Trauma is any experience that overwhelms the nervous system and a person’s ability to cope. An aftershock, if you will, of trauma is the body stays “on.” The nervous system has trouble returning to its neutral set point and it may be hard for a person to relax because they’re “waiting for the other shoe to drop” or worried about “what’s around the corner.” They are ready to fight, flee, freeze, or fawn in response to danger and thus aren’t fully present in their body. They’re not focusing on the (likely) safe here and now. Instead, they’re worried about the potentially threatening future.

In essence, people in a hypervigilant state are dissociating to protect themselves. The bodymind is so incredibly intelligent that it devised a way of protection in the face of danger and trauma. And while that intelligence may have served you well in order to get you through confusing and tough times, such as an abusive childhood or traumatic event, in that state of hypervigilance, pleasure cannot coexist.

Pleasure is a “here and now” experience. It’s admiring the deep purple of hydrangeas, the smell wafting from your kitchen, or the sensation of a body pressed against your own. Pleasure involves the senses. It’s embodied. For someone constantly on high alert, their senses are focused on other things so they are not in their bodies. What happens when they try to connect with others using their body?

Some people may go along with something sexual in order to people please, to make sure the other person doesn’t get angry with them, feel disappointed, become upset or whatever it is they’re afraid will happen. The person is “fawning” and not engaging in the sexual activity because it’s pleasing or pleasurable to them, rather, they’re doing it for the other person.

Minds and bodies are resilient, which means there are numerous ways to calm down hypervigilance and welcome in pleasure to your life. It starts with feeling safe in the body. I recommend breathwork, an exercise I created for letting go of tension, the embodiment practice of yoga nidra, or anything else that helps you cultivate a deeper relationship with the body. Help the body to know it’s safe to be in the present moment and if you do so, you’ll find more pleasure in your everyday life.

Journal Prompts

·      What am I intensely aware of when I do a body scan?  How am I aware of my body right now?

·      What are some body experiences that I intuitively know may be associated with a traumatic event in my life? (I may or may not mentally remember the event itself.)

·      What are some tools I would be willing to use as a way to become more present in my body?

For more tips and resources, subscribe to my newsletter.