Healing doesn’t happen in isolation, however, so it’s also important to foster connections with supportive relationships and communities. Doing so can provide validation, understanding, and a sense of belonging, which are essential components of healing from trauma.

When you approach someone from a place of curiosity and understanding, they become less of a monster and more of a human. It’s your choice who you connect with right now. You don’t have to cultivate empathy for other people but I encourage you to embrace nuance. Recognize the conflict in the Middle East is complicated and layered. The temptation to sort yourself into a group is very strong right now but, in the end, we’re all just humans, no matter what group we belong to.

Being ghosted can be a traumatic experience, and it can take time to heal from it. Here are some steps you can take to help you move on:

Many people deal with wanting to put off tasks that are hard, physically and emotionally. Perhaps you are at a job that you don’t really enjoy but stay because it’s financially advantageous. If you find yourself putting tasks off until tomorrow (or the next day…or the next day) and you have had traumatic events or relationships in your life, it may be hard to discern if the avoidance of a task is procrastination or a trauma response. Both trauma response of freeze and procrastination can involve avoidance behavior, but they have different underlying causes and motivations.

As a trauma-informed practice, we work with many folx who have experienced trauma. Sometimes this may result in a diagnosis of PTSD. This can feel very stigmatizing for some patients, while others feel freed by finally having a name for what is happening within them. Yet others may feel all sort of things in between. We hear PTSD on the regular these days. But what exactly is it?

Fawning looks like codependence. It’s putting someone else’s needs above your own. It’s struggling to say “no” and saying “yes” when you don’t want to. Your orientation is toward other people instead of yourself, “What will make them happy?” not “What will make me happy?” It’s making yourself responsible for other people’s actions and reactions: “I must have done something wrong. If only I’d done XYZ, they wouldn’t be angry/withdrawn/upset, etc.”

Some people may go along with something sexual in order to people please, to make sure the other person doesn’t get angry with them, feel disappointed, become upset or whatever it is they’re afraid will happen. The person is “fawning” and not engaging in the sexual activity because it’s pleasing or pleasurable to them, rather, they’re doing it for the other person.