Sexuality without Integrity is Dangerous

By: Dr. Denise Renye

We live in a society where some people think they shouldn’t have to face the consequences of their actions. They want to do harm and get away with it. They feel they are above accountability. There are numerous modern-day examples (Rep. George Santos, anyone?) but one that’s especially on our minds at Whole Person Integration and Psychology is the case of Carolyn Bryant Donham, who died at 88 years old in April 2023.

If you’re unfamiliar with her, Bryant Donham said 14-year-old Emmett Till whistled at her and made sexual advances after leaving a store in Mississippi in 1955. Her husband and his half-brother then kidnapped Till, brutally beat and mutilated him, lynched him, and threw his body into the river. It was vicious and ugly and his mother, Mamie Till Mobley, decided to let Jet magazine publish photos from her son's open-casket funeral, which helped catalyze the Civil Rights Movement, according to ABC News.

An all-white jury acquitted the murderers, or in other words, proclaimed them “not guilty” of murdering Till. Years later, they confessed in a paid interview that they did, indeed, kill this boy. Not only that, Bryant Donham revealed years later that she also lied about Till’s sexual advances. She brazenly maintained she held “no responsibility” for his murder. Hello, gaslighting! Or in other words, denying reality. In what world does saying, “That boy tried to grab me” and then having your husband hunt him down, brutally torture and kill him not make you responsible for murder?

Bryant Donham 100% stirred up trouble and killed an innocent boy, even if she didn’t physically do it herself. It’s atrocious the privilege on display, both in terms of white privilege and pretty privilege. Bryant Donham used her skin color to get away with literal murder and she used her looks to garner sympathy and attention. She was young at the time, 21, and pretty, so there was plenty of outrage on her behalf, even if it was misguided. To use one’s sexuality without integrity and for the murder of someone else is despicable.

This woman played on the fears of white men (that a Black man would sexually abuse or assault her) and used her sexuality without integrity with dangerous, fatal, results. She straight-up lied and didn’t face any legal consequences for her actions despite Till’s family pushing for it. She lived a long life to the age of 88 years old while Till only knew the earthly plane until only the young age of 14 years old. Did she feel bad about what she said near the end of her life, that she lied, or didn’t feel responsible for his death? Did she wish she’d behaved differently? We’ll never know. But what we do know is that other people suffer based on the things we say. What we say matters.

It’s vital that we each take radical responsibility for our own selves, use language properly, and have integrity around our sexuality because otherwise, someone’s life could be at stake, sometimes literally. Please find a free anti-racism guided meditation for white people here.

To set up an appointment with me (Marin County Sex Therapist), click here.

Journal Prompts:

·      When have I lacked integrity around my sexuality or sexual expression?

·      How have I manipulated a situation to my benefit even though it may have been harmful to someone else’s life?

·      How am I exploring my own racism in its overt and covert expressions?

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Reference

Shapiro, Emily; Alfonseca, Kiara. “Carolyn Bryant Donham, whose accusations led to murder of Emmett Till, dies at 88.” ABC News. April 27, 2023. https://abcnews.go.com/US/carolyn-bryant-donham-accusations-led-murder-emmett-till/story?id=98907473