Unpacking Consent: Insights from Dr. Betty Martin’s Workshop
By Dr. Denise Renye
Recently, I had the opportunity to attend a transformative event featuring Dr. Betty Martin, a pioneer in the exploration of consent, alongside Dr. Roger Kuhn, a Two-Spirit Indigiqueer soma-cultural sex therapist. Their discussion centered around the nuances of consent, particularly as it relates to our intimate lives and the broader societal implications of understanding and practicing consent. As a psychologist and sex therapist, the insights shared in this workshop resonate deeply with my clinical work and my commitment to fostering healthier relationships with my patients.
Dr. Martin's extensive experience—over 40 years in practice as a chiropractor, surrogate partner, and somatic sex educator—has led her to recognize a troubling pattern among her clients: many feel compelled to “go along” with discomfort rather than assert their boundaries. This dynamic highlights a critical gap in how we understand consent; it’s not just about agreeing to a touch or an action, but about recognizing and advocating for our choices in every situation. Her framework, The Wheel of Consent, posits that many individuals have been conditioned from a young age to ignore their own discomfort, leading them to believe that compliance is a virtue. This ingrained belief system not only hampers personal autonomy but also contributes to a societal tolerance for injustice.
During the workshop, Dr. Martin traced this phenomenon back to childhood, where many of us learned that being “good” meant prioritizing others' needs over our own feelings. As adults, this conditioning often continues unchecked, resulting in a loss of our inner compass. We can find ourselves in situations where we accept things that feel wrong or uncomfortable, often leading to larger systemic issues such as inequality and environmental degradation. The inability to assert our desires or boundaries doesn’t just affect personal relationships; it can create a ripple effect that enables societal injustices.
Dr. Kuhn’s contributions to the conversation emphasized the intersectionality of consent, urging participants to consider how cultural narratives shape our bodily experiences and our capacity for consent. He advocates for a decolonization of sexuality—challenging oppressive structures and norms that dictate our relationships and self-expression. This perspective is particularly valuable for my work as it underscores the importance of cultural sensitivity and awareness in therapeutic settings, enabling clients to navigate their own sexual identities and boundaries within a broader societal context.
The event's dialogue illuminated the importance of consent as a practice that extends beyond physical touch. It is about integrity, responsibility, and empowerment in all forms of human interaction. By encouraging clients to reclaim their voices and recognize their inherent right to choose, we foster a culture of respect and equality.
Dr. Martin's teachings have far-reaching implications for my practice. By incorporating her principles of consent into my sessions, I can better support patients in understanding their boundaries and empowering them to express their needs. This approach can transform therapeutic relationships, providing a safer space for individuals to explore their sexuality and relationships without fear of judgment or discomfort.
As we continue to engage in conversations about consent, it’s crucial to remember that it begins within us. It is about understanding our bodies, respecting our feelings, and making choices that align with our true desires. I am grateful for the insights gained from this workshop, as they not only enhance my clinical practice but also contribute to a more compassionate and just society.
I encourage my fellow clinicians and practitioners to explore the concepts presented by Dr. Betty Martin and Dr. Roger Kuhn. By doing so, we can collectively work towards a future where consent is not just an agreement but a fundamental right—a practice woven into the very fabric of our interactions, both personal and societal.
If you’re ready to explore and reclaim your boundaries, enhance your relationships, and foster a deeper understanding of consent in your life, I invite you to reach out. Together, we can create a safe and empowering space for you to express your needs and desires. Let's work together to transform your experiences and cultivate a healthier, more fulfilling connection with yourself and others.