Instead of scheduling sex, consider scheduling time for erotic connection—which could mean anything from sensual touch, to taking a bath together, to lying in bed and fantasizing without any goal. The difference? Spaciousness. Curiosity. Freedom to explore without the demand to perform.

At its core, patriarchy values power over presence. It teaches us to relate through control, hierarchy, and rigidity rather than through curiosity, vulnerability, and collaboration. It hands us roles to perform instead of inviting us into relationships where we can be seen and met as our full selves.

Cultural messaging reinforces the idea that sex should happen quickly in relationships. From movies and TV shows that depict instant passion to dating culture that normalizes casual encounters, we are often encouraged to move fast without questioning whether deeper intimacy is developing alongside physical connection.

So how do we learn to both hold and release? It starts with deep self-awareness. We must examine our own fears, our attachment patterns, and the ways in which we seek to control love rather than experience it. We must also cultivate trust—both in ourselves and in the people we care about.

This balance isn’t always easy. Sometimes, it means letting go of expectations. Sometimes, it means allowing space for silence, uncertainty, or distance. And sometimes, it means acknowledging when love is no longer aligned and releasing it with grace.

The most fulfilling relationships are not the ones where we lose ourselves, but the ones where we are found—fully, freely, and without constraint. The delicate nature of love is that it cannot be owned, only experienced. And in learning how to hold and set free at the same time, we may discover the deepest, most enduring connections of all.

Sometimes it may feel that society says here is the “right” way to be in a relationship and here is the “wrong” way. As an online sex therapist, let me assure you that every relationship is unique and shaped by the people involved and the kind of connection they seek. There is no single “right” way to be in a relationship, only what feels right for you.

As we continue to engage in conversations about consent, it’s crucial to remember that it begins within us. It is about understanding our bodies, respecting our feelings, and making choices that align with our true desires. I am grateful for the insights gained from this workshop, as they not only enhance my clinical practice but also contribute to a more compassionate and just society.

I encourage my fellow clinicians and practitioners to explore the concepts presented by Dr. Betty Martin and Dr. Roger Kuhn. By doing so, we can collectively work towards a future where consent is not just an agreement but a fundamental right—a practice woven into the very fabric of our interactions, both personal and societal.

During Domestic Violence Awareness Month, it’s important for everyone – not only domestic violence survivors – to understand it’s not so easy for a person to extricate themselves from an abusive situation. The reasons women stay in abusive relationships are multifaceted, involving fear, financial dependence, concern for children, emotional manipulation, hope for change, social pressures, and lack of support. Understanding these reasons is essential for developing effective interventions and support systems to help women safely exit abusive situations.

If you're interested in exploring how embodiment meditation, somatic practices, and yoga therapy can support your healing journey, I invite you to connect with me. As a psychologist, sex therapist, and certified yoga therapist, I offer a holistic approach to navigating trauma, dissociation, and deepening your relationship with your body. Visit this link to learn more about my services and how we can work together to foster growth and healing in your life.