Marin County Sex Therapist on The Erasure of Bisexuality and Why It Matters

By: Dr. Denise Renye

A crayon drawing of a white outline of a hand surrounded by a rainbow, symbolizing inclusivity and support for bisexual individuals in the context of sexual identity and expression.

As a Marin County sex therapist, I am in an interesting position to not only support individuals in having more satisfying sex lives but also educate the broader society on sex-related issues they may be unaware of. One such issue is the erasure and phobia of bisexual folx. Despite increasing visibility and acceptance of various sexual orientations, bisexual people often face unique challenges and stigmas that can lead to both external and internalized biphobia. Biphobia is what it sounds like – the prejudice and discrimination against bisexual individuals.

Early in my career, I interned at The Attic Youth Center, a Philadelphia multi-service youth organization that is one of the largest community centers in the U.S. committed exclusively to serving LGBTQ youth and allies. While there, I developed a curriculum around bisexuality, visibility, and biphobia. About 10 years later, I used parts from that curriculum to teach and hold groups at Sonoma State University. Even though it had been 10 years and I was on a different coast, bisexuality education was no better at Sonoma State University than when I first started in Philadelphia years prior. And sadly, biphobia remains.

Biphobia manifests in various ways from overt discrimination, such as not being allowed in certain spaces, to more subtle forms of invalidation, which I’ll talk about. These subtler forms of invalidation include being subjected to stereotypes that question the legitimacy of the person’s sexual orientation. Common misconceptions include the belief that bisexuality is merely a phase, a sign of confusion, or a form of indecisiveness.

These stereotypes can lead to the erasure of bisexual identities where bisexual people are pressured to "choose a side" or are assumed to be heterosexual when in a different-sex relationship. This is known as “straightwashing” or projecting heterosexual cultural norms onto relationships. Conversely, bisexual individuals may be viewed as homosexual when in a same-sex relationship. It’s very hard for me to agree that a relationship without two heterosexual people is a heterosexual relationship. I prefer the term ‘queer relationship’ or ‘queership’.

This erasure is not only prevalent in heterosexual circles but also within the LGBTQIA+ community. Bisexual individuals often encounter gatekeeping and skepticism from both gay and lesbian peers who may perceive bisexuality as less “legitimate” or “stable” because, again, they view bisexuality as a phase. As a Marin County sex therapist, let me assure you that bisexuality is not a phase nor is it the same thing as experimentation.

Such attitudes about bisexuality can create a sense of alienation and contribute to the invisibility of bisexual experiences in LGBTQIA+ spaces and activism. The consequences of biphobia extend beyond social exclusion; they can profoundly impact mental health. Studies have shown that bisexual individuals experience higher rates of anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation compared with their heterosexual and homosexual counterparts.

I’ve also seen in my work as a Marin County sex therapist that the constant need to validate one's identity, coupled with the fear of rejection or judgment, can lead to internalized biphobia. Internalized biphobia occurs when bisexual individuals absorb negative societal attitudes and beliefs about their own sexuality. This internal conflict can manifest as self-doubt, shame, and the suppression of their bisexual identity. For instance, a bisexual person might convince themselves that their attraction to multiple genders is less valid or that they are not "really" bisexual. This internalization can hinder self-acceptance and lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as denying their true feelings or engaging in risky behaviors to conform to societal expectations.

Addressing biphobia requires concerted efforts to challenge and dismantle these harmful stereotypes and prejudices. Education plays a crucial role in raising awareness about the realities of bisexuality and dispelling myths. LGBTQIA+ organizations and allies must actively work to create inclusive environments that acknowledge and celebrate bisexual identities. This includes ensuring that bisexual voices are heard and represented in advocacy efforts, media, and community spaces.

Promoting bisexual visibility is essential. Positive representation in media, literature, and public discourse can help normalize bisexuality and provide role models for those struggling with their identity. By seeing their experiences reflected and validated, bisexual individuals can gain the confidence to embrace their true selves.

On an individual level, combating internalized biphobia involves fostering self-compassion and seeking support from affirming communities and a mental health professional such as myself. Bisexual people deserve to feel proud of their identity and should be encouraged to explore and express their sexuality without fear of judgment.

While society has made strides in accepting diverse sexual orientations, biphobia remains a significant barrier to equality and well-being for bisexual individuals. By challenging stereotypes, promoting visibility, and supporting inclusive communities, we can create a world where bisexual people are fully accepted and celebrated for who they are. Only through collective effort can we hope to eradicate biphobia and ensure that all individuals, regardless of their sexual orientation, can live authentically and with dignity.

If you’d like support with living authentically, in addition to being a Marin County sex therapist, I’m also a depth psychotherapist and holistic coach. Contact me about working together.  

Reference

Chan, C.H.; Operario Don; Mak, Winnie. “Bisexual individuals are at greater risk of poor mental

     health than lesbians and gay men: The mediating role of sexual identity stress at multiple

     levels.” Journal of Affective Disorders. January 2020, Vol. 260:1, pp. 292-301.

     https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S016503271930312X