Exploring Subconscious Gender Biases: Unveiling Internalized Misogyny

By: Dr. Denise Renye

A pink background with a blue plate holding a pink lollipop, symbolizing the contrast between femininity and societal expectations.

The vast majority of the world lives under a patriarchal system, which means giving men power and taking power away from women, nonbinary folx, and “girly” men. Patriarchy functions as a ladder so men who display what are perceived as “feminine” traits like sensitivity, vulnerability, and care are also less valued under patriarchy and discriminated against.

What made the recent Barbie movie such a smash hit is that it flipped the common culture of patriarchy (that we are all swimming wildly in) on its head and showed us a finely depicted matriarchal world where women have power. This matriarchal place was named Barbieland and it is where women hold all the leadership positions. They are presidents, CEOs, supreme court justices, doctors, astronauts, and engineers. There is no question what women are capable of whereas men are considered incompetent in Barbieland. In the current culture in which most of us live, people still use phrases such as “woman doctor” or “woman astronaut” whereas in Barbieland those monikers don’t exist.

However, we don’t live in Barbieland, we live in Kenland where patriarchy thrives. This film depicted our current world flipped and a lot of people are having a lot of feelings about it. It’s hard to have a mirror held up. In my line of work, this is done with careful skill at a pace that isn’t overwhelming to the psyche. With film, there’s less of a controlled environment.

In Kenland (in other words, the world in which we currently live), women, nonbinary folx, and “girly” men are doing what they can to survive and still drinking from the polluted well that is patriarchy. One of the nefarious byproducts is that women have internalized misogyny to varying degrees. Misogyny is the hatred of, contempt for, or prejudice against women or girls. But it’s not as simple as it may seem. You’ve likely heard some men say, “I don’t hate women, I love women.” This may be what they intellectually believe. The word “love” means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. If they say that and continue to minimize the value of women by saying they’re too emotional to be in power or they should strive to prioritize being a good wife or talk directly to a man when a woman is also standing there as a clear participant in a conversation, that is misogyny.

Many women balk at sexist statements but how many do the same at subtler forms of misogyny? How many women, nonbinary folx, and men with more traditionally feminine traits minimize the value of people closer to the feminine spectrum, mistrust them, or behave in ways that reveal gender bias?

Here’s a small example: What are your impressions of a woman with long nails? Do you think she’s frivolous, less competent, or dumber than someone with short nails? If you’re a self-identified woman and you answered “yes” to any of those statements, you’ve internalized misogyny. If you’re a self-identified man and you answered “yes” to any of those statements, you’re practicing misogyny. (Misogyny can only be internalized by self-identified women. Otherwise, it’s regular ol’ misogyny.) Note: This is a simple example of a complex issue.

Misogyny is an insidious problem, so much so it can be hard to spot. It’s inherent in statements such as “I’m not like the other girls,” meaning a self-identified woman or girl considers herself unique because she doesn’t fit into a narrow, stereotypical view of womanhood. Why, exactly, is that praised? Because being a stereotypical woman is considered “bad” “less than” or somehow unworthy. Women seek to prove they aren’t “like other women” because they’ve internalized misogyny, learning that being just like all the other girls is a bad thing.

As Suzannah Weiss writes in Bustle, “Internalized misogyny does not refer outright to a belief in the inferiority of women. It refers to the byproducts of this societal view that cause women to shame, doubt, and undervalue themselves and others of their gender. It shows up even in the most feminist and socially conscious of us.”

Other examples of internalized misogyny include valuing supposed masculine qualities over supposed feminine ones. If you think you’re too emotional, that you cry too much, or you’re too sensitive, it’s likely because you value the opposite. Under patriarchy, showing emotion is considered “weak” so this makes sense but as any therapist will tell you, including me, learning the intricacies of how to have a lived experience of and then to skillfully express emotions make you strong. This is not something for the faint of heart.

Learning you perpetuate misogyny may stir up some emotions but please don’t let this be something else you beat yourself up about. It’s not your fault. Our society operates with a hatred of women and has operated with this hatred for centuries. It’s hard not to be affected by it. However, by even acknowledging it’s there, you’re working to unravel the cultural hex that seems to have been placed upon us all and you’re contributing to the rising divine feminine. Doing so results in a better world for us all.

Journal prompts

·      What are some feelings that come up when you read this?

·      How has internalized misogyny or misogyny shown up in your life?

·      How comfortable would you be discussing this in therapy or in your friend circle?

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Reference

Weiss, Suzannah. “7 Ways Internalized Misogyny Creeps Into Our Lives.” Bustle. December 18, 2015. https://www.bustle.com/articles/130737-7-sneaky-ways-internalized-misogyny-manifests-in-our-everyday-lives