There’s a great quote by the anthropologist Angeles Arrien that captures this well: "When did you start creating discomfort with the sweet territory of silence?" Silence…it doesn’t have to be uncomfortable. Silence, it can be pleasant and something we welcome. It can be something we befriend and pour tea to sit with. However, silence is not often perceived as something we can embrace.

Sometimes bodies speak quietly, like through a whisper. And sometimes we miss that whisper and then our bodies speak more loudly, such as through a cold or an illness even. When we dis-associate from the body, the body’s inner wisdom has a way of bringing us back. Sometimes we know our bodies are speaking to us, but we don’t understand the message! It may be hard to decipher the messages from the body as they are encoded in such ways that require some quieting, slowing, or curiosity.

Betrayal runs deep. And if there is a betrayal wound in one’s life that began from a young age, this may show up time and time again throughout one’s life. The breaking of a trust bond is a betrayal. There was an implicit or explicit agreement made and all parties followed this until at least one did not.

Therapy as a field, by and large, is a broad and wide-ranging one. Therapy sessions with me are non-directive and open-ended. Coaching is goals focused and directed. Coaching may offer both a respite from your current state of mind and affairs by helping you make a plan and implement changes immediately.

Sex workers (sworkers). They are arguably the crux of most cultures, offering a service that is uniquely intimate. They are a part of every sociocultural makeup, yet denied, sometimes as existing, and sometimes as deserving, especially as deserving basic worker rights. International Sex Workers’ Day, or International Whore’s Day, was on June 2. This day of recognition, established in 1975 by a group of French sex workers, brings attention to the inhumane working conditions for people in this profession.

If you keep things inside, hold them in your brain and therefore, inevitably your body, it can create depression or heaviness and anxiety or dissociation. Holding on to thoughts, feelings, ideas, and even body sensations can weigh us down and/or create depression as well as anxiety.

I created a technique about 15 years ago called “Sexuality Mapping” as a way of working with a person’s sexuality and sexualness in order to potentially heal trauma by gaining a deeper understanding of their sexual past so that going forward they can make choices in alignment with who they really are.

Because everyone is so different from one another, sex can look a certain way on the outside and feel differently on the inside for each person. That is why good communication is extremely important, even if the person you’re having sex with is yourself. Doing so will help you build a better relationship with yourself and with others, if you choose to involve them in sex.

Just as the mind and body registers an event (or events) as traumatic, the mind and body can also release those traumatic events. Here are some techniques I’ve found are helpful for releasing trauma from the body:

As a psychologist, I offer depth-oriented psychodynamic therapy, blending psychoanalytic, Jungian, and transpersonal theory. Topics that often come up in sessions with me are sex (and little deaths, or la petite mort), endings or redefining relationship design, and death (physical and/or ego). The type of therapy I practice has an open-ended trajectory that organically comes to a close. It is not time limited, unless I am working as an adjunct with another clinician.

Surrogate partner therapy includes the use of services of a surrogate partner (who works in close consultation with the referred client/patient and the psychologist or psychotherapist who said client/patient is in treatment with) to help the client gain a deeper understanding of themselves and any challenges they are having in their sexual life, which also includes issues related to partnership, relationship, dating, and communication of desires, wants, and needs. Sexual issues are not limited to sex and instead fall into at least five circles of sexuality.

Not everyone will fit in with everyone else because people are different even if they are under a large umbrella together. Pride offers something for everyone! There are parties for gay boys, leather daddies, leather dykes, knitting circles, wellness events, political events, dance parties, and parades. A few years ago, I taught yoga during SF Pride at the Women’s Building in San Francisco. The mind-body events are a very different feel, and while there can definitely be some overlap it can be a different subcommunity than can be found bumpin and grindin at da club, as you can imagine.

We have a systemic problem regarding racism that bleeds through everything from finance to education. Furthermore, sociocultural systems are macrocosms. Those systems are reflective of what we think on a microcosmic, or individual level. Meaning, racism and violence against Black people is a psychological issue. It doesn’t go away with time or because of some law. It requires effort on the part of all of us.

Lying is a tool that can provide relief and space for the person lying. People taking space for themselves is not something that is easily learned or practiced in this culture. Lying is not always wrong and I have no moral judgment about lying because I recognize it has a place and provides valuable information and insight into a person’s internal landscape.

An understanding of boundaries, neither too porous nor too rigid, is at the crux of the experience of codependency. Boundaries, not barriers, are necessary for relationships to be functional for all parties involved. In her newly released book, author Nedra Glover Tawwab, helps to expand this point: “Simply put, relationships without boundaries are dysfunctional, unreasonable, and hard to manage.”

I touched on it last week in a quote by Barbara Walker who wrote in her book The Crone that, “It was the medieval metamorphosis of the wise woman into the witch that changed the word Crone from a compliment to an insult and established the stereotype of malevolent old womanhood that continues to haunt elder women today.” And don’t even get me started on the wretched history of the word witch!

In many of my sessions with patients lately, the topic of anger has been coming up. This feeling is often perceived as a dangerous or “bad” emotion that can harm you and others. Thus, many people are scared of anger and are told to do whatever they can to squash it, to keep it hidden. I see this particularly in women (and folx who fall closer to feminine on the gender expression continuum) because we are instead encouraged to people-please and not rock any boats with anger. We’re encouraged to be “nice,” and anger isn’t a “nice” emotion. Men (and folx who fall closer to masculine on the gender expression continuum) experience the opposite – they are socialized to feel and express anger, but not sadness. (Think of common, old school sayings like “Boys don’t cry” or “Don’t be a sissy.”)

Passing from the phase of the Maiden to Mother is a sacred rite of passage. It includes but isn’t limited to physically birthing a child from one’s body. A woman can also pass into the phase of Motherhood by truly mothering herself, breaking free of childhood patterning or dynamics, or by confidently stepping into her own professionally. The sacred passage from Motherhood to Cronehood may occur when a woman becomes a grandmother, retires from her active profession, or when she transitions through menopause.

When it comes to White supremacist thinking, the questions are similar: “Do I address it directly? Or do I hold the tension of the situation and explore with this patient how they got to this hate-filled othering?” The answer, for me, is first the latter and then the former. And I would not have a session end before I do both.

Yes, our dynamics with others influence sexual energy for sure, but from my perspective it’s yours to unleash, play with, feel, and be. Sexual energy doesn’t live with a partner or lover. It lives within the depths of your being, there to support creation, pleasure, and joy.