Similar to traversing a labyrinth, vulva gazing looks simple but it’s not easy, especially at the beginning of cultivating the practice. Many thoughts and feelings may arise such as disgust, apprehension, surprise, curiosity, cultural messages, and internalized misogyny. Yet it’s also the case for people with the aforementioned parts, the vulva is the center of them, their core, their innermost being. Seeing themselves with a hand mirror can be a profound and sacred experience. The vulva can be a portal to a realm beyond the mundane. The vagina and vulva are where life is birthed through and while in some ways birth is mundane as it happens every day, it’s also a transcendent experience.

The orgasm gap is what it sounds like – when engaging in sexual activities that result in an orgasm, one individual or group consistently achieves an orgasm more than another. One study found the breakdown is like so:

·      95% of heterosexual men experience orgasm during intercourse

·      89% of gay men

·      88% of bisexual men

·      86% of lesbians

·      66% of bisexual women

·      65% of straight women

Mostly what I care about is folx keeping in mind two things: sex isn’t supposed to hurt, and if it does, there may be a physical reason as to why. There’s no shame in asking for help and doing so could make all the difference. It’s important in my line of work to have colleagues to refer to who are sex-positive.

Teaching children accurate language increases safety and as those children grow they have more agency over their bodies. This can and does lead to more confidence and safety in intimate situations for adults. When safety and confidence are present, pleasure has the possibility of being more present than the feeling of anxiety. Anxiety and pleasure cannot coexist.