Because of the unique situation for sex workers, they don’t have many opportunities for support, especially as a group. As a certified sexologist, sex therapist, not to mention proponent of social justice in general, I care deeply about sex and sex work. I’ve worked with people in this profession for more than two decades. It’s been important, deeply transformative work ranging from outreach to counseling.

Gaslighting can be unconscious. It can be so effortless you don’t even know it’s happening. It could be your normal way of operating and last for years unchecked because it thrives in the shadows. That also means by looking at the shadow, by doing shadow work, it’s possible to reconnect with reality and that internal light can shine forth like a beacon.

Your unconscious is consistently communicating with you and the more you work with the unconscious, the happier, healthier, and more integrated you may feel. That’s what Jung is speaking to in his famous quote, “There is no coming to consciousness without pain. People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own Soul. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”

After expressing all the emotions that arise, be it anger, sorrow, disappointment, etc., the dying person may start to have acceptance that death is happening. It’s not something theoretical in the far, distant future, but instead here, now. The person isn’t “giving up,” but rather giving in or surrendering, accepting the inevitable, the natural order of life. Life is not possible without death just like light is not possible without shadow.

We’re seeing the shadow side of the Catholic church, the side they want to hide but must be dealt with. Carl Jung popularized shadow work in the West and emphasized that we all have different parts of ourselves that have been exiled, that we try to repress or keep hidden. One of Jung’s most famous quotes is, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

Healthy relationships are consensual ones where each partner respects the other’s boundaries and doesn’t make assumptions about what’s OK and what’s not.

In my practice, I bring in somatic, or body-oriented techniques because doing allows for a person to embody the processing of the experience. It puts the person more deeply in touch with their physical form. This is very important because many people are dissociated from their bodies for a variety of reasons. Being dissociated has become the new norm for how to navigate this modern world of lived trauma, high-pressure school and work, and relationship/family tension. You can read more about psychedelics and the body in this post.

Tattoos can be a form of self-expression and a way to process trauma, for instance the death of a loved one. Tattoos can be a way to transform wounding and reclaim the body for the Self. Tattoos can increase embodiment. Tattooing does so by bringing attention and emphasis back to the body, to the skin, but also to the psyche

There aren’t a lot of spaces for traditionally gendered men to experience body movement. Athletics is one of them. This is more so for the players and less so for the spectators. The spectators often experience quite the opposite of athleticism with a high probability of sitting to watch the game and an increase in using substances, such as alcohol.

During freewriting, you’re not worried about spelling or grammar. You’re not worried about how things sound. It is not about image, or how it looks from the outside. It’s about experience, and how it feels from the inside. You’re just simply writing.

When entering into a romantic, sexual, or emotional partnership, it’s important to match maturity levels. Being a match involves more than, “I like dogs, you like dogs; we’re good!” Three very basic areas to determine whether you’re a match involve the following:

When many people think of sex, they think of penis-in-vagina (PIV) intercourse. They may also think of orgasms and ejaculation. However, as a sexologist, I take a broader view of sex. There are at least five circles of sexuality, and I include foreplay as well as aftercare in the sexual experience. Foreplay and aftercare are just as important, even integral, for sex as orgasm and/or ejaculation.

From that lens, relationships not only support spiritual growth, the relationship itself is a spiritual practice. That’s true in the sense that relationships provide people with numerous opportunities to practice love, acceptance, understanding, and patience.

In my practice, folx work hard and go far in their careers – be it in tech, business, or medicine – and they experience material gain. They find their way to me because of that sense that something’s missing.

How much space does the couple want within the relationship itself? I see many couples in my private practice and often use the metaphor of a house to describe a relationship. Houses have a number of doors and windows. Each couple gets to decide how open and closed the windows and doors are for each person to feel safe in the relationship.

My invitation to you: What if you considered the holidays rest days? What if instead of staying with family for five continuous days you took breaks in between? Or were with them only one to two hours each day? Otherwise, you might need a vacation from your vacation because your “vacation” was so stressful! It can be hard to feel rested if you’re anxious about everything that “needs” to get done during your supposed “downtime.”

“What’s communication like?” Are both people in the couple talking about sex? What they like, what they don’t, how frequently they want to have it? Or is sex filled with assumptions and expectations? If it’s the latter, that’s the recipe for an unsatisfying sexual encounter. And yet not many of us have been taught the skills to learn how to have these integral conversations. Instead, melting into the taboo of cheating is the way many folx still proceed.

I spoke with a friend of a friend recently who said he copes with anxiety solely through medication because that’s all he’s been exposed to. It got me thinking about how some people don’t know what else to try for anxiety other than pharmacological interventions because they may not have considered therapy as an option. And even many people who have considered therapy may not be able to afford it. Learning how to cope with anxiety in healthy ways can make such a difference.

the “forever love,” the idea one person can be your “everything” is crumbling. And, let’s be honest, that idea has been crumbling for some time.

There is nothing dysfunctional or abnormal about any fetish play, as long as there is consent between participants. The same goes for kink, which is an activity or behavior someone enjoys that goes outside the bounds of “traditional,” or “vanilla” sex.