The inner critic is born from unprocessed childhood trauma. If you dig deeper, you’ll likely find the inner critic voice is eerily similar to a parent or guardian, either in words you heard or interpretations through actions they showed. We often internalize those voices and messages that whisper tales of inadequacy and unworthiness. There may have been neglect, rejection, or emotional abuse in childhood and so to deal with the pain, often an inner critic arises that repeats these negative messages in an effort to wound yourself before anyone else has the chance to wound you. On the other hand, the inner critic may say, “If only you did things the right way, everything would be fine.”

The internet, and people in general, like to speak in absolutes about what people should do. But in my work as a sex therapist, I give space for my clients to figure out what is best for them, whether that’s ending the relationship with the emotionally unavailable person or supporting them as they navigate staying together. However, there are some general guidelines for healing.

Foreplay, broken down, means an act that occurs prior to some sort of fun or play. The fun, in this case, is assumed to be intercourse. It assumes the fun has not already begun. But if looks and energy are being exchanged and consensual touching is resulting in pleasure, I hold the stance that the fun has certainly gotten underway. Also, foreplay is heteronormative, which probably isn’t a surprise given the role it plays in Wetzel’s study.

Vibrators can contribute to stress relief, relaxation, and enhanced blood flow, potentially leading to better sexual health. For some people, a vibrator can also help with pain relief, particularly for menstrual cramps or pelvic discomfort. And for people who want to use a vibrator for more than masturbation, it can promote intimacy and communication with a partner. As a Marin County sex therapist, I work with couples around communication and sometimes even how sexual expression could include toys.

Tantra is a holistic spiritual tradition that explores various practices and philosophies aimed at achieving spiritual awakening and unity with the divine. While it includes aspects related to sexuality in some of its branches, tantra is a much broader and more diverse tradition, encompassing a wide range of practices and beliefs that extend beyond the sexual aspect.

 As a certified sexologist and licensed psychologist, my work predominantly focuses on relationships – all relationships. I advocate for premarital counseling because it can help couples prepare for the complexities of marriage. It delves into various aspects of a relationship including communication, conflict resolution, romantic and sexual connection, financial management, and emotional intimacy.

Consent is the crucial element in this discussion. None of these women and girls (because deepfake pornography is also being created about young girls) said “yes” to having their faces splashed across the internet engaging in sexual acts. In an era where privacy is increasingly compromised, the ability to obtain someone's image or voice without their knowledge and then manipulate it for malicious purposes poses a serious threat. These women, because it’s almost exclusively women, are victimized by the unauthorized use of their likeness, leading to emotional distress and strain on their relationships.

Sexuality and relationship issues often stem from past experiences that have left emotional scars or negative beliefs about one’s self and others. EMDR facilitates the reprocessing of these memories, helping individuals to integrate positive and adaptive information, and desensitize the emotional charge associated with past traumas. In the realm of sexuality, EMDR can assist individuals in overcoming inhibitions, shame, or negative self-perceptions that may hinder their healthy sexual expression.

I am more than happy to consult, of course, but this gap in training on human sexuality can have far-reaching consequences for individuals and couples. They may not receive the specialized support they need to navigate sexual and relational challenges and enhance their sexual health. Addressing sexual concerns requires a nuanced understanding of cultural, psychological, and physiological factors, which a general therapist may not be equipped to handle from the training they received. Consequently, this omission in training is a disservice to patients and hinders their access to the holistic care necessary for a fulfilling and healthy life.

Trauma leaves a lasting impact on a person’s sense of self and affects their mental well-being and intimate connections. There are many ways the body can process trauma and one of them is ethical, consensual fetish and kink play. A fetish is a behavior that someone cannot get sexually aroused without whereas kink is an activity or behavior someone enjoys that goes outside the bounds of “traditional,” or “vanilla” sex. A person may get incredibly turned on by a kink, but not necessarily need it to get off. If they do, it becomes a fetish. Fetishes may be kinks, but not all kinks are fetishes.

Speaking of finding each other and feeling at ease, online platforms have made it easier to feel at home wherever you are because connection with loved ones is possible in an instant. As a Bay Area sex therapist, I do a lot of work around intimacy and improving relationships. Online platforms make it easy to stay in touch while people are traveling or to nurture the flame of long-distance relationships. Sharing jokes, memes, and pictures of daily life can help people who are far away from each other feel like they’re still involved in each other’s lives. And video calls mean if you want to see one another in real time, you can.

We all know TV and movies don’t always get it right in terms of their portrayals so how does Sex Education stack up in regards to sex therapy? Is it more fiction than fact? Surprisingly, no. Is it unrealistic that Otis would know so much about sex therapy without going through proper training and certification? Absolutely. As a Bay Area sex therapist and sexologist, I had a rigorous training process – more than 300 hours of additional training and an additional 50 extra hours of supervision on top of my licensure. The things I learned cannot be gleaned by osmosis so in that way, Sex Education is a complete work of fiction.

Parenting is a rewarding yet demanding journey that often places significant demands on the time and energy of caregivers. Amidst the hustle and bustle of daily responsibilities, maintaining intimacy in a relationship can become a challenge.

Western Psychology is limited. Yes, it’s an important field of study and practice and helps millions. I've devoted my career to it, afterall! However, historically, it has been narrowed to an exploration of and diagnosis of the mind. While the study of human behavior has been explored and studied by many ancient civilizations, the field of psychology as we know it in the West was not formally birthed until the late 19th century.

For individuals exploring kink, having a kink-friendly therapist can be crucial to feeling understood and supported in therapy. Many people with non-mainstream sexual interests worry about being judged, misunderstood, or even shamed. A kink-friendly sex therapist:

If you want a little more structure, I have some journal prompts below. Going through this process of recovering from your holiday travels and time spent with family, remember that transitions can be challenging and it makes sense you’d need a little time and space to work through whatever happened. You don’t have to “soldier on” or “suck it up.” Be with yourself and give yourself what you need, whatever that may be.

While I don’t have any quantitative data, I have gathered qualitative data on spiritually embodied spiritual experiences and practices. Spirituality is increasing and I see this as an expression of the rising divine feminine, which isn’t structured or contained the way divine masculine energy is. The divine feminine whispers to you about an unseen world not wholly governed by logic and reason. She sings a song of creativity, joy, and connection that is for you and you alone. Identifying as a spiritual person may mean saying, “No thank you” to the hierarchy present in many religions and recognizing there is a Self within you that is wise, compassionate, and all-knowing. A spiritual practice helps you get in touch with this Self.

It's also the case that sometimes people want to experiment and that’s fine too! Exploring traditional gender norms or roles in a consensual and respectful manner can just be fun, it doesn’t have to mean anything or signify aligning with any particular political ideology, especially if it’s not a lifestyle choice and instead a sexual experimentation. For some couples, enacting traditional gender roles is a kink, or a type of sexual play that falls outside of “vanilla” sexual intercourse.

Remember, self-care and the implementation of these strategies can contribute to a more mindful and fulfilling holiday experience. By cultivating resilience, setting realistic expectations, and prioritizing emotional well-being, individuals can not only weather the challenges of the season but also find moments of genuine joy and connection. May these coping strategies provide a source of support, encouraging a healthier and more balanced approach to the holiday season.

To be clear, the likelihood of negative consequences from psychedelic use is minimal, it does exist and should be taken into consideration. I mention this because using these sacred medicines comes with risk, as is the case with any treatment modality. The avantgarde, “everyone should take it” ethos we’re seeing flying around is simply not true. It’s also important to point out the study authors said while there are risks for folx with personality disorders taking these medicines, that doesn’t mean they can’t benefit from psychedelics, especially if coupled with psychological support.