For individuals exploring kink, having a kink-friendly therapist can be crucial to feeling understood and supported in therapy. Many people with non-mainstream sexual interests worry about being judged, misunderstood, or even shamed. A kink-friendly sex therapist:

If you want a little more structure, I have some journal prompts below. Going through this process of recovering from your holiday travels and time spent with family, remember that transitions can be challenging and it makes sense you’d need a little time and space to work through whatever happened. You don’t have to “soldier on” or “suck it up.” Be with yourself and give yourself what you need, whatever that may be.

Remember, self-care and the implementation of these strategies can contribute to a more mindful and fulfilling holiday experience. By cultivating resilience, setting realistic expectations, and prioritizing emotional well-being, individuals can not only weather the challenges of the season but also find moments of genuine joy and connection. May these coping strategies provide a source of support, encouraging a healthier and more balanced approach to the holiday season.

NVC is a method of speaking and listening developed by psychologist Dr. Marshall Rosenberg based on the premise that connection more easily leads to solutions. Oftentimes when people communicate with one another it’s in a binary way: “I’m right, you’re wrong,” or “I’m good and you’re bad.” These ways of thinking often lead to anger and anger can lead to violence if it’s not expressed healthily.

Dissociation is common because the mind and body are smart. They act in ways to protect us from something traumatic. Traumatic experiences occur when our nervous systems become overwhelmed, affecting our capacity to cope both physically and on emotional or spiritual levels.

Constant phone use, including scrolling through social media, texting, or even playing mobile games, can lead to a lack of genuine emotional connection. Partners may struggle to engage in meaningful conversations and share their thoughts, dreams, and concerns when one or both individuals are constantly distracted by their devices. The emotional connection that once held the couple together may begin to erode and they may drift further apart.

Body worship is a form of sexual play where one partner lavishes praise, attention, and sensual affection upon the other partner's body. It is a practice rooted in the idea that the human body is a work of art, worthy of admiration and celebration. This form of sexual expression transcends the boundaries of societal norms and allows individuals to explore their desires, connect on a deeper level, and foster a sense of intimacy that goes beyond the physical.

Being ghosted can be a traumatic experience, and it can take time to heal from it. Here are some steps you can take to help you move on:

Many people deal with wanting to put off tasks that are hard, physically and emotionally. Perhaps you are at a job that you don’t really enjoy but stay because it’s financially advantageous. If you find yourself putting tasks off until tomorrow (or the next day…or the next day) and you have had traumatic events or relationships in your life, it may be hard to discern if the avoidance of a task is procrastination or a trauma response. Both trauma response of freeze and procrastination can involve avoidance behavior, but they have different underlying causes and motivations.

As a trauma-informed practice, we work with many folx who have experienced trauma. Sometimes this may result in a diagnosis of PTSD. This can feel very stigmatizing for some patients, while others feel freed by finally having a name for what is happening within them. Yet others may feel all sort of things in between. We hear PTSD on the regular these days. But what exactly is it?

The common response to, “I’m so nervous about this date/job interview/meeting,” is, “Don’t be nervous. I’m sure you’ll be fine.” Does hearing that actually work? Does someone saying, “Don’t be nervous,” stop you from feeling nervous? Probably not. In fact, sometimes it exacerbates it. Sharing our fears with friends often doesn’t result in the anxiety dissipating. It’s through no fault of their own, rather they aren’t trained to handle anxiety. But there’s good news…therapists are!

All the back and forth is putting people into turmoil. The backtracking behavior of “loans will be forgiven, oh wait, no they won’t” is intermittent conditioning and causes emotional instability. Also known as intermittent reinforcement, intermittent conditioning is emotional manipulation and abuse. There are occasional and sudden displays of reward-giving instances (such as a loan being forgiven) that are then taken away.

Life after a divorce can be challenging, but it's important to focus on self-care, build a strong support system, set realistic goals, establish a new routine, let go of resentment, and take things slowly. By taking these steps, you can begin to rebuild your life and find happiness once again.

Working with a skilled therapist can be key in helping to heal the heartbreak that can accompany divorce. There are support groups also, to connect with others who are going through similar experiences.

These non-apologies essentially blame the other person for feeling upset or hurt. There isn’t acknowledgment on the part of the person who did the hurting so they aren’t real apologies. That’s the key, acknowledgment of one’s own actions. The non-apologies are defensive statements that endeavor to get the person who is doing the apologizing “off the hook.” The statements don’t take responsibility for the person’s actions so they aren’t real apologies.

You can communicate with your inner child(ren) as much as you’d like, and as with anything, as long as it doesn’t interfere with other areas of your life. Your active imagination can take you far. Where do you want to go?

For someone in that situation, it may feel confusing or even like gaslighting. Generally, people want healthy, functional, emotionally regulated parents. There’s grief when that’s not present and why focusing on reparenting yourself can be so healing. To see the sort of parenting you wish you could have received given to your kids, but not to you, can bring up numerous feelings.

Don’t let art and social media bully you into feeling something that’s not authentic. Remember, this is a time of year for hibernating and going inward. It’s not only the winter solstice itself that brings up the sentiment, it’s also the days leading up to the solstice and the ones after it. We are in the midst of that time. Yes, it’s the holidays, but it’s also winter.

Fawning looks like codependence. It’s putting someone else’s needs above your own. It’s struggling to say “no” and saying “yes” when you don’t want to. Your orientation is toward other people instead of yourself, “What will make them happy?” not “What will make me happy?” It’s making yourself responsible for other people’s actions and reactions: “I must have done something wrong. If only I’d done XYZ, they wouldn’t be angry/withdrawn/upset, etc.”

When you practice acceptance, you’re no longer focusing outward. You’re no longer trying to change, fix, or control other people and situations so you can feel happy, fulfilled, peaceful, or whatever it is you think will happen if only they did XYZ or if ABC looked different. Instead, you’re keeping the focus on yourself and asking what you can do right now, given these circumstances and these people, to feel the way you want to feel.

To stay sane during the holidays, I encourage my patients, clients, and students to continue the practices they have at other times of the year: breathwork, somatic work, yoga nidra, freewriting, getting outside, etc. It may feel tempting to let these practices fall by the wayside, but in times of stress, you need them more. Make sure you prioritize you because you are the most important relationship you’ll ever have.