All the back and forth is putting people into turmoil. The backtracking behavior of “loans will be forgiven, oh wait, no they won’t” is intermittent conditioning and causes emotional instability. Also known as intermittent reinforcement, intermittent conditioning is emotional manipulation and abuse. There are occasional and sudden displays of reward-giving instances (such as a loan being forgiven) that are then taken away.

Dreamwork has long been a part of the practice of certain schools and practices of psychotherapy. Dreams can give a direct access to the psyche and allows an individual to more deeply step into the varied hallways of their unconscious. Since Whole Person Integration bridges the psychological and spiritual human experience, its imperative to explore this topic through a multifaceted lens.

The big difference with spirituality is it’s not based on hierarchy. There’s no barrier between you and a spiritual figure or force. Instead of a middle person or religious leader telling you what to think or do, there’s direct access. With spirituality, there may be certain rituals (lighting a candle, playing certain music, etc.) but there also may not be. It’s up to you what you do and what you don’t do.

Psychologist Dorothy Tennov first described the term in 1979 in her book Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love. Limerence is less grounded than love because it involves a heck of a lot of projection and fantasy. Instead of seeing the other person for who they are, flaws and all, someone in the throes of limerence will ignore red flags because “love conquers all.” They may imagine activities and outings with the other person, how they’ll dress, what they’ll say because at this point, the other person is still a mystery.  

Life after a divorce can be challenging, but it's important to focus on self-care, build a strong support system, set realistic goals, establish a new routine, let go of resentment, and take things slowly. By taking these steps, you can begin to rebuild your life and find happiness once again.

Working with a skilled therapist can be key in helping to heal the heartbreak that can accompany divorce. There are support groups also, to connect with others who are going through similar experiences.

Men regularly receive immense amounts of praise for basic acts of parenting – changing a diaper, bringing their kid to the park, etc. People ooh and ahh when they see a dad doing these things but don’t bat an eyelash when they see a mom doing the same thing.

If you are interested in joining a clinical consultation group, you can ask for referrals from colleagues or professional organizations, or search online for groups in your area. Many groups are offered through local mental health organizations, private practice clinicians, professional associations, or online platforms. It's important to find a group that is a good fit for your needs and interests, and that provides a supportive and collaborative environment for learning and growth. At Whole Person Integration, we provide clinical consultation for psychologists and psychotherapists who are seeking to enrich their practices and offerings to patients.

Sleeping separately helps everyone get a better night’s sleep because they don’t have to contend with snoring, blanket-hogging, or different sleep schedules.

Sex…it’s something that is typically part of a romantic partnership or marriage and it’s wise to have a conversation about it from the beginning of a connection. People may be asexual, pansexual, have a high interest in sex, have kinky desires, prefer a vanilla scene, or anything in between. But there is a prevalent and under-talked about sexual concern in some relationships.

These non-apologies essentially blame the other person for feeling upset or hurt. There isn’t acknowledgment on the part of the person who did the hurting so they aren’t real apologies. That’s the key, acknowledgment of one’s own actions. The non-apologies are defensive statements that endeavor to get the person who is doing the apologizing “off the hook.” The statements don’t take responsibility for the person’s actions so they aren’t real apologies.

We human beings are complex and often, unconsciously and creatively, employ various strategies to avoid pain: primarily addictions and bypassing. Spiritual bypassing is sidestepping or avoiding facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks but talking the talk of an individual who is more “spiritually evolved.”

The medical profession is becoming increasingly interested in using psychedelics for deeper healing and given the resurgence in the West (note that using psychedelics for healing has been practiced indigenously for millennia), it’s no wonder people from all backgrounds, including those in recovery from addiction, are curious whether psychedelics can help them.

You can communicate with your inner child(ren) as much as you’d like, and as with anything, as long as it doesn’t interfere with other areas of your life. Your active imagination can take you far. Where do you want to go?

Not that long ago, cross-dressing was the brunt of many jokes. It was considered the height of hilarity to put a man in a dress and heels or a woman in a too-large man’s suit. Some younger people who may be reading this might have a hard time fathoming such a reality, depending on your social circle and location.

Perfectionism is an attempt to hold onto the illusion of control. It’s a creation of the mind to give a sense of power to a situation or environment where helplessness may abound. When the environment is chaotic, the mind wants to create control from within. One way of doing that is to begin a practice of self-discipline and buy into the idea that perfection exists and that you can embody it in this world (you simply cannot). Inner child work can be healing for perfectionism.

Some folx grew up too soon and were forced to be adults before they were ready. This happens for a variety of reasons and one of those reasons is covert incest, also known as enmeshment. Enmeshment occurs when a parent or caregiver looks to their child for emotional support and psychological validation. In other words, there aren’t strong boundaries within the family. And those strong boundaries are necessary for the safety of the child. They are also necessary for the safety of the parent’s psyche but the child’s psyche is really negatively affected.

Why is inner child play a way to heal from trauma? Because every time something substantial or traumatic took place in your life, it was registered within and inner child play is one avenue of healing, if you wish to engage with it.

For someone in that situation, it may feel confusing or even like gaslighting. Generally, people want healthy, functional, emotionally regulated parents. There’s grief when that’s not present and why focusing on reparenting yourself can be so healing. To see the sort of parenting you wish you could have received given to your kids, but not to you, can bring up numerous feelings.

Don’t let art and social media bully you into feeling something that’s not authentic. Remember, this is a time of year for hibernating and going inward. It’s not only the winter solstice itself that brings up the sentiment, it’s also the days leading up to the solstice and the ones after it. We are in the midst of that time. Yes, it’s the holidays, but it’s also winter.

We can honor the rhythm of winter by withdrawing from the world in ways that feel right. They may feel unfamiliar because we are so conditioned to lean in and be a part of what’s around us instead. Maybe it means staying home more or taking solo walks. Slowing down can feel incredibly challenging because the regular busyness of life often distracts from the feelings inside. If we’re rushing around, it’s harder to notice the body’s cues or to become curious about lingering emotions. Instead, we’re too caught up in our to-do lists to notice what’s happening internally.