Sometimes, holding space means also knowing when to call in backup. Whether it’s a therapist, a support group, or a trusted friend, don’t hesitate to suggest (or seek) additional help. You’re not failing by doing so—you’re honoring the complexity of being human.

Back in my work with breast cancer survivors, this often meant helping participants find therapists or clinicians who understood the nuances of their identities. Everyone deserves care that sees the whole person. If you're unsure where to begin, a referral from a trusted professional can go a long way.

Instead of scheduling sex, consider scheduling time for erotic connection—which could mean anything from sensual touch, to taking a bath together, to lying in bed and fantasizing without any goal. The difference? Spaciousness. Curiosity. Freedom to explore without the demand to perform.

We still live in a culture that prefers clear boxes—straight, queer, partnered, single, monogamous, poly—but those boxes don’t hold the full truth of who we are. What if we stopped trying to fit and simply started feeling? What if we trusted our turn-ons, our longings, our quiet knowing?

You don’t need to have it all figured out. You don’t need a new label to justify your exploration. You just need to listen inward and follow what feels alive.

You are not too late.
You are not broken.
You are not betraying your past.

The end of a long-term relationship, especially a marriage or domestic partnership, often brings with it a specific kind of grief: one that’s not just about losing a person, but about losing the world you built with them—and the version of yourself that lived in that world.

This isn’t just a breakup. It’s a death of self.
It’s an ego death.
It’s the dark night of the soul.

At its core, patriarchy values power over presence. It teaches us to relate through control, hierarchy, and rigidity rather than through curiosity, vulnerability, and collaboration. It hands us roles to perform instead of inviting us into relationships where we can be seen and met as our full selves.

Cultural messaging reinforces the idea that sex should happen quickly in relationships. From movies and TV shows that depict instant passion to dating culture that normalizes casual encounters, we are often encouraged to move fast without questioning whether deeper intimacy is developing alongside physical connection.

So how do we learn to both hold and release? It starts with deep self-awareness. We must examine our own fears, our attachment patterns, and the ways in which we seek to control love rather than experience it. We must also cultivate trust—both in ourselves and in the people we care about.

This balance isn’t always easy. Sometimes, it means letting go of expectations. Sometimes, it means allowing space for silence, uncertainty, or distance. And sometimes, it means acknowledging when love is no longer aligned and releasing it with grace.

The most fulfilling relationships are not the ones where we lose ourselves, but the ones where we are found—fully, freely, and without constraint. The delicate nature of love is that it cannot be owned, only experienced. And in learning how to hold and set free at the same time, we may discover the deepest, most enduring connections of all.

Sometimes it may feel that society says here is the “right” way to be in a relationship and here is the “wrong” way. As an online sex therapist, let me assure you that every relationship is unique and shaped by the people involved and the kind of connection they seek. There is no single “right” way to be in a relationship, only what feels right for you.

Sometimes it may feel that society says here is the “right” way to be in a relationship and here is the “wrong” way. As an online sex therapist, let me assure you that every relationship is unique and shaped by the people involved and the kind of connection they seek. There is no single “right” way to be in a relationship, only what feels right for you.

You can read more about tantra here but for couples therapy and in my couples coaching programs, I emphasize that it’s about the integration and harmonization of polarities and opposites. This involves recognizing and reconciling dualities such as light and dark, masculine and feminine, and heaven and Earth. It seeks to transcend these dualities to reach a higher state of consciousness and unity of nonduality.

Growing up with emotionally immature parents presents significant challenges to understanding a person’s sexual self and forming healthy intimate relationships. However, with targeted therapeutic interventions, people can learn to navigate these complexities, fostering a healthier and more fulfilling sexual and relational life.

The inner critic is born from unprocessed childhood trauma. If you dig deeper, you’ll likely find the inner critic voice is eerily similar to a parent or guardian, either in words you heard or interpretations through actions they showed. We often internalize those voices and messages that whisper tales of inadequacy and unworthiness. There may have been neglect, rejection, or emotional abuse in childhood and so to deal with the pain, often an inner critic arises that repeats these negative messages in an effort to wound yourself before anyone else has the chance to wound you. On the other hand, the inner critic may say, “If only you did things the right way, everything would be fine.”

The internet, and people in general, like to speak in absolutes about what people should do. But in my work as a sex therapist, I give space for my clients to figure out what is best for them, whether that’s ending the relationship with the emotionally unavailable person or supporting them as they navigate staying together. However, there are some general guidelines for healing.

 As a certified sexologist and licensed psychologist, my work predominantly focuses on relationships – all relationships. I advocate for premarital counseling because it can help couples prepare for the complexities of marriage. It delves into various aspects of a relationship including communication, conflict resolution, romantic and sexual connection, financial management, and emotional intimacy.

Sexuality and relationship issues often stem from past experiences that have left emotional scars or negative beliefs about one’s self and others. EMDR facilitates the reprocessing of these memories, helping individuals to integrate positive and adaptive information, and desensitize the emotional charge associated with past traumas. In the realm of sexuality, EMDR can assist individuals in overcoming inhibitions, shame, or negative self-perceptions that may hinder their healthy sexual expression.

We all know TV and movies don’t always get it right in terms of their portrayals so how does Sex Education stack up in regards to sex therapy? Is it more fiction than fact? Surprisingly, no. Is it unrealistic that Otis would know so much about sex therapy without going through proper training and certification? Absolutely. As a Bay Area sex therapist and sexologist, I had a rigorous training process – more than 300 hours of additional training and an additional 50 extra hours of supervision on top of my licensure. The things I learned cannot be gleaned by osmosis so in that way, Sex Education is a complete work of fiction.

Parenting is a rewarding yet demanding journey that often places significant demands on the time and energy of caregivers. Amidst the hustle and bustle of daily responsibilities, maintaining intimacy in a relationship can become a challenge.

While over-familiarity can indeed decrease sexual attraction, it is not an inevitable outcome of a long-term relationship. Couples can take steps to maintain and even reignite their sexual attraction.

Constant phone use, including scrolling through social media, texting, or even playing mobile games, can lead to a lack of genuine emotional connection. Partners may struggle to engage in meaningful conversations and share their thoughts, dreams, and concerns when one or both individuals are constantly distracted by their devices. The emotional connection that once held the couple together may begin to erode and they may drift further apart.

When pleasure takes center stage, it becomes a powerful catalyst for self-identified women to reclaim their agency and voice. Prioritizing one's desires not only applies to intimate relationships but extends into the broader sphere of professional life as well. Encouraging women to vocalize their needs and preferences, whether in the bedroom or the boardroom, can be initially challenging, as it challenges longstanding norms and expectations. However, this is precisely the transformation our society needs. By fostering an environment where women feel empowered to speak up and assert themselves, we contribute to a more equitable world where their voices are valued and respected in all aspects of life.