Identifying the traits of an emotionally available person can help you assess a potential or current partner and also demonstrate where either or both of you could use some support. Emotional availability is a spectrum whereby some people are more available than others. In other words, every person can become more emotionally available, if they choose. And if they do, I bet they’ll find deeper and more meaningful connections.

As I mentioned earlier, everyone makes mistakes and screws up. Conflict is a normal part of every relationship so the question is not if there’s conflict but rather what happens when there’s conflict. In fact, if there is no conflict that may give  you pause. Consider  what’s not being addressed. An emotionally available person addresses conflicts directly and constructively. They are open to compromise and finding solutions together. If it upsets you when they leave their bathroom towel on the floor, they’ll talk to you about it and figure out a solution collaboratively that works for both of you.   

I want you to think about it for a minute – this is before webcams, before OnlyFans, before all of it. Women couldn’t even get credit cards in their own name before 1974 and here Doda was dancing topless before a crowd. And it wasn’t merely titillation for its own sake (although that’s fine too), she crafted a sophisticated performance. She did comedy, sang, pulled people up on stage with her, and had them undress her. Her performance was designed to appeal to a diverse audience, including couples who sought a novel form of entertainment. She offered a space where couples could explore and celebrate their sexuality openly and without shame.

Gone are the days when marriage meant being with someone solely for the sake of fulfilling societal expectations or securing financial stability. Now people seek partners who offer emotional availability, understanding, and support. They desire relationships built on mutual respect, shared values, and a sense of partnership. They want companions who enhance their lives and share their journeys. People want a partner who listens with empathy, communicates openly, and demonstrates emotional maturity. It’s part of the reason I’ve seen an uptick in requests for premarital counseling – modern couples recognize marriage takes effort and they want to enter their marriage with as many tools in their toolbox as possible.

Our society places a premium on achieving orgasm as the pinnacle of sexual satisfaction so it's easy to lose sight of the many other forms of pleasure that can be found along the way. While orgasms can certainly be a pleasurable and fulfilling part of sex for many people, they are by no means the sole measure of sexual satisfaction, especially when you factor in the issues surrounding orgasms.

The inner critic is born from unprocessed childhood trauma. If you dig deeper, you’ll likely find the inner critic voice is eerily similar to a parent or guardian, either in words you heard or interpretations through actions they showed. We often internalize those voices and messages that whisper tales of inadequacy and unworthiness. There may have been neglect, rejection, or emotional abuse in childhood and so to deal with the pain, often an inner critic arises that repeats these negative messages in an effort to wound yourself before anyone else has the chance to wound you. On the other hand, the inner critic may say, “If only you did things the right way, everything would be fine.”

The internet, and people in general, like to speak in absolutes about what people should do. But in my work as a sex therapist, I give space for my clients to figure out what is best for them, whether that’s ending the relationship with the emotionally unavailable person or supporting them as they navigate staying together. However, there are some general guidelines for healing.

Foreplay, broken down, means an act that occurs prior to some sort of fun or play. The fun, in this case, is assumed to be intercourse. It assumes the fun has not already begun. But if looks and energy are being exchanged and consensual touching is resulting in pleasure, I hold the stance that the fun has certainly gotten underway. Also, foreplay is heteronormative, which probably isn’t a surprise given the role it plays in Wetzel’s study.

Vibrators can contribute to stress relief, relaxation, and enhanced blood flow, potentially leading to better sexual health. For some people, a vibrator can also help with pain relief, particularly for menstrual cramps or pelvic discomfort. And for people who want to use a vibrator for more than masturbation, it can promote intimacy and communication with a partner. As a Marin County sex therapist, I work with couples around communication and sometimes even how sexual expression could include toys.

Tantra is a holistic spiritual tradition that explores various practices and philosophies aimed at achieving spiritual awakening and unity with the divine. While it includes aspects related to sexuality in some of its branches, tantra is a much broader and more diverse tradition, encompassing a wide range of practices and beliefs that extend beyond the sexual aspect.

 As a certified sexologist and licensed psychologist, my work predominantly focuses on relationships – all relationships. I advocate for premarital counseling because it can help couples prepare for the complexities of marriage. It delves into various aspects of a relationship including communication, conflict resolution, romantic and sexual connection, financial management, and emotional intimacy.

Consent is the crucial element in this discussion. None of these women and girls (because deepfake pornography is also being created about young girls) said “yes” to having their faces splashed across the internet engaging in sexual acts. In an era where privacy is increasingly compromised, the ability to obtain someone's image or voice without their knowledge and then manipulate it for malicious purposes poses a serious threat. These women, because it’s almost exclusively women, are victimized by the unauthorized use of their likeness, leading to emotional distress and strain on their relationships.

Sexuality and relationship issues often stem from past experiences that have left emotional scars or negative beliefs about one’s self and others. EMDR facilitates the reprocessing of these memories, helping individuals to integrate positive and adaptive information, and desensitize the emotional charge associated with past traumas. In the realm of sexuality, EMDR can assist individuals in overcoming inhibitions, shame, or negative self-perceptions that may hinder their healthy sexual expression.

I am more than happy to consult, of course, but this gap in training on human sexuality can have far-reaching consequences for individuals and couples. They may not receive the specialized support they need to navigate sexual and relational challenges and enhance their sexual health. Addressing sexual concerns requires a nuanced understanding of cultural, psychological, and physiological factors, which a general therapist may not be equipped to handle from the training they received. Consequently, this omission in training is a disservice to patients and hinders their access to the holistic care necessary for a fulfilling and healthy life.

Trauma leaves a lasting impact on a person’s sense of self and affects their mental well-being and intimate connections. There are many ways the body can process trauma and one of them is ethical, consensual fetish and kink play. A fetish is a behavior that someone cannot get sexually aroused without whereas kink is an activity or behavior someone enjoys that goes outside the bounds of “traditional,” or “vanilla” sex. A person may get incredibly turned on by a kink, but not necessarily need it to get off. If they do, it becomes a fetish. Fetishes may be kinks, but not all kinks are fetishes.

Speaking of finding each other and feeling at ease, online platforms have made it easier to feel at home wherever you are because connection with loved ones is possible in an instant. As a Bay Area sex therapist, I do a lot of work around intimacy and improving relationships. Online platforms make it easy to stay in touch while people are traveling or to nurture the flame of long-distance relationships. Sharing jokes, memes, and pictures of daily life can help people who are far away from each other feel like they’re still involved in each other’s lives. And video calls mean if you want to see one another in real time, you can.

We all know TV and movies don’t always get it right in terms of their portrayals so how does Sex Education stack up in regards to sex therapy? Is it more fiction than fact? Surprisingly, no. Is it unrealistic that Otis would know so much about sex therapy without going through proper training and certification? Absolutely. As a Bay Area sex therapist and sexologist, I had a rigorous training process – more than 300 hours of additional training and an additional 50 extra hours of supervision on top of my licensure. The things I learned cannot be gleaned by osmosis so in that way, Sex Education is a complete work of fiction.

Parenting is a rewarding yet demanding journey that often places significant demands on the time and energy of caregivers. Amidst the hustle and bustle of daily responsibilities, maintaining intimacy in a relationship can become a challenge.

Western Psychology is limited. Yes, it’s an important field of study and practice and helps millions. I've devoted my career to it, afterall! However, historically, it has been narrowed to an exploration of and diagnosis of the mind. While the study of human behavior has been explored and studied by many ancient civilizations, the field of psychology as we know it in the West was not formally birthed until the late 19th century.

For individuals exploring kink, having a kink-friendly therapist can be crucial to feeling understood and supported in therapy. Many people with non-mainstream sexual interests worry about being judged, misunderstood, or even shamed. A kink-friendly sex therapist: